


Of Queens, Lakes, Dragons and Knights.

by The20sBard



Series: Let Merlin Be Happy 2020 [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Aithusa is babie, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avalon - Freeform, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone loves Aithusa and Aithusa loves everyone, F/M, Feels, Gen, I physically cannot write only angst, M/M, Magic is legalised, Not Beta Read, The only dying happening is Arthur and Morgana, all the feels, because i needed to process and fix things after that depressing finale, giant babie, gwen is queen!!!, no beta we die like lancelot, no other character death i promise, part of a series, so there is an attempt at humour, stepping into the dark void of BBC Merlin's angst, what do you mean Gwaine died in canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:08:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 33,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27210223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The20sBard/pseuds/The20sBard
Summary: Freya. Lancelot. Elyan. Morgana. And now, Arthur. Merlin had lost a lot. But not everything.After some thinking in the quiet of Ealdor, Merlin returns to Camelot. There's still stuff to do, people to reunite with, mistakes to correct.No more secrets.
Relationships: Aithusa & Freya, Aithusa & Gwaine - Relationship, Aithusa & Gwen (Merlin), Aithusa & Merlin (Merlin), Freya & Merlin (Merlin), Gaius & Merlin (Merlin), Gwaine/Percival (Merlin), Gwen & Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Hunith & Merlin (Merlin), Kilgharrah & Merlin (Merlin), Knights of the Round Table & Merlin (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Let Merlin Be Happy 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1986505
Comments: 28
Kudos: 68





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is part one of a fic that went waaaay longer than what it started off as. There is a ton of angst since it is canon compliant, but It's not all bleak! There will be Gwen being awesome, Aithusa being adorable, tons of hugs and some other stuff I won't spoil just yet :):):)
> 
> I'll be updating one chapter per day, two if the chapters aren't too long.

The damp of the grass was creeping into his clothes and bones. He didn’t know how long he’d sat here, looking unseeingly at the horizon. Was he still crying, or just ...there? 

He didn’t really care.

“Merlin?”

The sound of his name jerked him into consciousness. Merlin turned to see Percival, walking to him from the woods. He joined Merlin on the ground, staring at the terribly still waters of Avalon. Percival’s voice was ragged as he asked, “What happened?”

“I was too late.” He shook his head. It loosened something inside him. No, not loosened. Cracked. “I didn't get him here in time. I should never have waited that long to call Kilgharrah, but he was also weak and old and I was worried if he even had the strength to carry us such a long way, and now He's gone! I-"

“Merlin," Percival’s voice cracked with something worse than exhaustion. “You’re- take a breath.” 

A few deep breaths.

"Now, tell me."

Merlin looked at him properly now. "Arthur, Percy. He's gone. I couldn't save him. The wound, it was fatal, and was delivered by no ordinary sword. I was getting him here, it was the only place that could save him, but I didn't make it in time. I just-" His voice broke, and saying it out loud made his heart twist in his chest. “I failed.” He didn't care that Percy was there. He couldn't bear to look up. 

He was dimly aware of The knight crouching beside him, and now, looking up, realised that there were tears rolling down his face. Percival was one of the kindest people he knew, and yet there was little that could move him to tears. Merlin's chest tightened in a fresh wave of worry. 

Blinking to keep the tears at bay, Percival swallowed. "We were being stupid, thinking we could take her on all by ourselves." 

"What?" Merlin could feel the dread pooling in his stomach, slick over his sickening grief. 

"Morgana. We set out, me and Gwaine, determined to end her. Of course we couldn't. The High Priestess.....she knocked me out, and tortured him, Merlin. I was helpless. I could hear him scream, and could do nothing at all...... Gwaine's gone too, Merlin." his voice caught in his throat for a moment. "I knew she was heading for Avalon, so I hoped to beat her here......the last thing he said was that he had failed." The knight's voice cracked at the last words. 

Merlin felt as if he'd taken a kick to the stomach. He felt sick. He couldn't lose them both on the same day. He  _ couldn't _ . The pool of helpless despair he’d slipped into seemed to dissipate as desperation kicked him to his feet. He couldn’t lose any more today. He  _ wouldn’t. _

"Quick, we haven't got much time. Lead me to him."

Percival looked up, dumbfounded. "Merlin-" 

"Every second counts, Percival. Hurry!" 

Still looking bone weary and tired, Percival staggered to his feet. Merlin ran up to the woods and sent out his magic in search of the horses. He sprinted into the forest, Percival just behind him.  As they mounted the steeds, Percival voiced his concerns. "Morgana is still out there, Merlin. We can't face her alone! We-" 

"Morgana's dead. I killed her." 

Percy looked at him, bewildered. 

"Now, lead the way."

With that, they set off, deeper and deeper into the forest.  It took them about half an hour on horseback to reach Gwaine. Percival narrated all that had happened on the way, and yet, he asked Merlin nothing. He would always be grateful for that.  When they arrived, the Knight was lying on the ground, pale as a ghost, and Merlin's heart stuttered. He could sense no life in the man laid out in front of him. Scrambling off the horse, he ran to Gwaine and crouched, dimly aware of Percival doing the same. Merlin inhaled deeply, and put a palm over Gwaine's heart. No beat. 

The dread started climbing up his throat. He forced it down and closed his eyes, focusing all he could into his palm, into Gwaine. He felt his magic flow throughout him like fire, through his hand and into his friend. All he could sense was a darkness, an emptiness, as his magic swept through Gwaine. He couldn't give up. Merlin refused to accept that another one of those he loved was lost to him. No one else would be gone, whatever the cost. He-

_ There _ . Just there, amidst the nothingness, he felt life. It was weak, barely a glimmer, yet _ it was there _ . He surrounded it completely, warm and nurturing and supporting--healing. He could feel it flicker a bit brighter than before. He didn't know how long he had sat there, pouring all he could into that little hint of life till it grew strong enough to stand by itself. His eyes stopped glowing as he finally lifted his hand from Gwaine. He was still lying prone on the ground, looking marginally better than before. Merlin checked for a pulse, and this time was able to detect one, though it was thready and weak. 

Relief washed over him, until he realized that Percival was exactly as he had been before, crouching beside them with his mouth hanging open.

"What was that!?" 

Merlin felt himself go pale. He was just starting to realize that he had gone and performed magic. In front of a Knight of Camelot, no less. Instantly, his mind panicked and he gaped like a fish, not able to utter a single word.

“You're a Sorcerer?” 

They just stared at each other for a few long moments. Before Merlin could say anything in his defense, Percy started talking. "How did you keep it hidden? That too, living in Camelot all the while. And now-" He broke off and looked down at Gwaine. His gaze, now somewhat uncharacteristically hard and piercing, moved back to Merlin. 

"Did Arthur know?"

Thinking of the last two days with Arthur, that damned numbness seeped in again. A dim voice in his head, sounding rather like Gaius, told him he was probably going into shock. "Just..... Just, the last two days. As I brought him to Avalon." Not feeling able to go on, he fell silent. 

Percival's stare softened considerably at that. A small, weak smile appeared on his face. "I lived outside Camelot for most of my life, my friend. I know that you're a good man. One of the best I've known. I won’t tell anyone."

Merlin was speechless. He had accepted it immediately!? Also, he was pretty sure he had never heard Percival speak so much at once.

"Right. Thank you.” 

Percival nodded.

“Um... You should go, now. Get Gwaine to Camelot. He still needs healing, You have to get him to Gaius."

"Will he be able to take it in this condition? It's a few hours’ ride."

Merlin nodded his reassurance. Percival picked up their friend and headed for his steed. As he settled Gwaine securely in place, Percival looked up at Merlin, with a sudden realization. "Wait. What do you mean 'you'? Are you not coming back to Camelot with us?" 

Merlin kept his eyes on the leaf-littered ground. 

"If this is because of the magic, then you should know that I am not going to betray your trust in any way." The earnest tone of his voice was unmistakable. 

"Trust me, I know that, Percival. It's just......" Merlin trailed off, and looked up at Percival, who now looked unfairly heartbroken

"I cannot pretend to know all that has happened, and I definitely cannot begin to understand what being in your shoes would be like." he said. "How long will you be gone?”

“I don’t know.”  __ _ Maybe forever _ _.  _

With no warning whatsoever, Merlin found himself engulfed in a giant hug which he couldn’t bring himself to return. Percival let go, and Merlin sighed. "Go on, then. You have to get back as quickly as you can. Goodbye." 

"Farewell, Merlin." 

With a last, wistful glance, Percival rode off with Gwaine.

For a long time, Merlin stared after them. He needed to think, to talk, to work his way through these last two days...... Or maybe the last ten years, even. The people he loved and trusted most were in Camelot. But Merlin was sure he could never bear to walk back in without his King. In his own way, Arthur had been the spirit of Camelot itself, and now he wouldn't be there, or anywhere, anymore. 

There was only one place he could think of going to. But not just yet. 

He rode to the spot where Morgana lay. She was just as they had left her, eyes wide open, staring lifelessly at the sky above. Merlin dismounted, and knelt by her. He gently closed her eyes with a palm. She was cold, now. 

He should’ve told her about his magic. He’d always thought that the only outcome of it would’ve been loss and death, but…..now wasn’t any different. Maybe she would never have betrayed him. She would’ve lived if only he hadn’t acted so selfishly. 

He sent her off the same way he had sent Freya. Lancelot. And Arthur. Lying in the boat, she looked so peaceful, innocent - he could see it clearly like it was just days ago, in the beginning when she was kind, fierce, generous, when she used to truly smile. Like she was, before the hate, the blind rage, the betrayal. 

Merlin pushed the boat out into the water, too tired to say or do anything more. And once it was burnt to ash, he turned back and rode through the woods, away from Camelot.

To Ealdor. To his mother. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course Gwaine is alive, I'm not a monster. 
> 
> Leave a Kudos or a comment if you like ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty predictably, More Angst.

It was the middle of the night when he reached Ealdor. Merlin dismounted quietly and walked his horse down the road. The village looked quite as ever, peaceful and unchanged. He could almost trick himself into thinking nothing had changed. It looked almost exactly as when he'd last visited......... Over 3 years ago now. It had been so long since he had talked to his mother. He felt a pang of guilt as he realized that. All these years, she had been a constant source of solace in his life, and yet, he had never told her anything of what he had been going through. Of course, he did that just to spare her the worry. But he always felt guilty, every time he did it.

He came to a stop in front of the little hut whose every crevice he knew better than the back of his hand. It had changed little since his childhood, and had been home to many of his best memories: mother and son, repairing and tending to their home together after the end of every winter, looking forward to a new year, with a new hope. That felt so long ago now.  Pushing open the gate (which was as mysteriously creaky as ever, despite being perfectly oiled and rust free), he tied the horse to the fence and walked up to the door. 

Knock. Knock. 

Silence. 

Knock. 

"Who is it, at this ungodly hour!?" 

Hearing her voice after so long tugged at his heart in a way he couldn't quite describe. He cleared his throat. 

"Mum, it's Merlin. " 

Before he could finish uttering these few words, the door was flung open, and Hunith stood before him, eyes wide and shining. He couldn't help the little smile that made its way onto his face. "Hey, mum." 

He was instantly enveloped in the tightest of hugs, and then released as quickly. "Merlin! This is a  _ wonderful _ surprise! It’s been so long. I was actually considering making the journey to Camelot to meet you, tagging along with a few traders who were going that way. But then the news of the war....." 

She had tugged him along by his arm into the hut as she spoke, and sat him down in front of the warm, cozy fire built for the night. She trailed off as she looked at him clearly in the light of the flames. 

"Merlin..." 

Her palm over the side of his face, she brushed her thumb over his cheek, wiping away tears he hadn't even realised had escaped his eyes. The warm hug he was tugged into was his undoing. He clung to his mother and buried his face in her shoulder for god knows how long, failing miserably at fighting off his sobs. She hated seeing him cry. 

After a while, Hunith gently eased back. Hands cupping his face, she said, "You need to freshen up and rest. First take a bath, and have something to eat. You're exhausted to your very bones. Go on, then." 

Nobody could know him better than his mother. And no one could possibly be as considerate as she was. He could read the worry and fear in her face, and yet she didn't try to coax all that had happened out of him (she most definitely could if she wanted to). She trusted him to speak to her in his own time. Really, now that he thought of it, she had been waiting for nearly 10 years. She definitely knew there was a lot that he had kept from her over these years, and yet, never pestered him about it.

With a silent nod, he went to do as he was told. 

******  


By the time he’d scrubbed off the grime of 3 days in the woods, Hunith had a bowl of warm, steaming soup waiting for him with a roll of bread. He hadn't really eaten in the last couple of days, and his stomach growled as he silently padded over. He ate silently while she brought out another bedroll and spread it out beside the one she presumably had been sleeping in earlier.  Once he was done, Merlin went over to his bed and sat cross-legged beside Hunith. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders, the weight warm and reassuring. She was watching him with a deep sadness he had rarely witnessed in her. Anxious, angry, even disappointed sometimes, but never this. It did nothing to dissuade him from what he intended to do, though. If anything, it just strengthened his resolve. 

"You've had a rough time, Merlin. You should rest." She said.

An invitation, to finally talk or stay quiet and curl up to sleep, and she wouldn't ask him a thing. She would patiently wait for as long as he needed till he talked to her of his own volition. It was an effort to speak with the lump in his throat, but Merlin spoke nonetheless.

“Arthur-” Merlin’s voice caught on the name, and he paused a moment. “Arthur’s gone, Mum.” 

He was dimly aware of her gasp, and the tears that fogged her eyes. 

“Oh, Merlin.” Her voice was a whisper. “I’m so sorry.” She pulled him closer. He wasn’t crying this time. There probably weren’t any tears left. For a while they sat that way, and Merlin knew his mum well enough to tell she was upset and worried not only for him, but also Gwen and Gaius and Arthur and basically everyone. After a long time, Merlin reluctantly pulled back.

"I have to tell you. Everything. From the minute I set foot in Camelot." She deserved to know, more than anyone. And Merlin was pretty sure that he would very soon lose any and all sense of sanity if he didn't talk to one of the people he trusted the most. 

She smiled, and it was almost......relieved. That was encouragement enough.

And so he started. From the very beginning. He told her all and held nothing back; not the laughs, the tears, the dark and the ugly bits, and also the ones that were his most joyful and beautiful moments. Once he started, the words flowed easily. He told her about the Great Dragon. Destiny. The other side of his coin, Arthur. All that he had done for the sake of fulfilling their destiny. He talked about his father. He told her the story of Freya, now Lady of the Lake. About Emrys. And Dragoon. And Dolma. And about Mordred, the Druids. About what happened to Morgana, what he had done

What he talked about the most was Camelot. Arthur. Gwen. Gaius. Gwaine. Lancelot. Elyan. Leon. Percival. Everything they had done for him, with him, and all that he had done for them. All that they had faced, and gone through. How they had come to be his family. How he had lost so many, too many of them. 

By the time he was done, it was nearly dawn. The embers of the fire were cooling down. Merlin felt exhausted as he had never felt before. Hunith had listened to it all, without once interrupting him. He tried to gauge her grave expression. Some of the things he had done were very upsetting and disconcerting, he knew that firsthand. She had to be thinking of them now.......... that her son could do, and had done, such terrible things. 

"Well...........that was quite the story, Merlin. I don't think either of us is fit to speak of it now, though." She looked so, so _upset_ \- it was heart-wrenching.

Merlin felt his gut clench. She knew all that he had done. She knew he was as bad as a monster. He cleared his throat, and sat up straight. Trying and failing to ignore the widening pit in his chest, he said,"I know I've done despicable things. I just wanted you to know, is all. Now that you do, I‘ll leave-" 

He halted suddenly as he met her eyes again. Her expression was a rich combination of incredulousness, annoyance and outrage. 

"You idiot boy! You think I would ever make you leave? All I intended to say is that there is a lot we have to talk about, and neither you nor I can really do that with a modicum of effectiveness in our sleep deprived state, especially you!” She sounded exactly like the time he’d been scolded for nicking an apple from Old Man Simmons. As relief loosened the knot in his chest ever so lightly, her voice softened. “Now, go to sleep lad. We'll talk later. Just rest."

She pulled him down gently onto his bed, and Merlin shuffled closer to her warmth. He fell asleep, feeling more at home than he had in a long time. 


	3. Chapter 3

It was children's laughter that woke Merlin up. Keeping his eyes closed, he snuggled into his bed. Hm, odd. It was harder that he remembered. Almost as though he were sleeping on the floor- oh.

His eyes flew open as he sat up, blinking the sleep out of his eyes as he looked about his home. The first light of the day was seeping in through the curtains. There were kids running outside, playing without a care in the world. He could now hear people going about their days as always. For a moment, it almost felt like the last week had never happened. How long had he spent, knocked out like a log!?

Just as he was scrambling out of bed, the door opened. Hunith stepped into the hut, a quiet smile on her face. "You're finally up! I was going to wake you in a little while anyway. You've been asleep an entire day. You must be hungry; go wash up. I made you breakfast."

"A day!? Why didn't you wake me up any earlier?" 

"Believe me, you needed the rest. And you slept so deeply, I hadn't the heart to disturb you." she waved a hand at him, not pausing in the fussing she was subjecting the hearth to. "Go on now, wash up! Breakfast's waiting" 

After doing as he was told and devouring the meal of cheese, bread and stew (It was ....... well, not exactly delicious, but comfortingly familiar), Merlin felt less detached, less like he was just watching his life happen from a distance. As they ate and cleaned up, they talked, but nothing of any meaning. It was basically making small talk. Merlin knew they had to speak, and patient as ever, his mum was waiting for him to make the first move. 

"So, about what I told you yesterday......"

"Yes?"

"Well?" 

"I am glad Merlin, that you told me all of it honestly. Thank you.” 

Well, she was his mum. How could he not?  The dull ache in his heart spread. "So many nights I've stayed up, unable to sleep. I tried so hard to keep everyone safe, and now, it is all pointless. Sorcery is still outlawed in Camelot. And Arthur. .." his heart still felt raw with despair that seemed to burrow even deeper. "I don't know how to do this. Me and Arthur were meant to do this together, it's destiny." 

“You know, Merlin,” His mother’s voice was soft, and touched with something strange. It took him a while to realize it was regret. “All that I’ve told you of hiding your magic from everyone? Forget it.”

He stared. There was  _ no way _ he heard that right. 

Hunith went on. “It’s part of you, my boy. Teaching you to hide it is the most unfair thing I’ve asked you to do. Once, I might have wished you never had it. But not anymore.” 

Merlin never understood how much that had weighed him down until that very moment. Like an ache he’d lived with so long that he’d forgotten it was now suddenly gone. Like the breath he took came easier now. “Mum...” 

“ I love you, child.  _ All _ of you. And there is nothing worse for me than to see you blaming yourself entirely for a hundred different things that aren’t your fault, beating yourself up over what you could have done differently. There are so many others who made the wrong choices, so many others who are, if not more, at least  _ equally  _ responsible for whatever happened.”

“Mum, I was  _ supposed _ to do things right. It’s- It was my destiny. I was supposed-”

"My boy, I don't pretend to be as knowledgeable as you or Gaius are about magic. But I believe that each person writes his or her own fate. An ancient prophecy cannot  _ possibly _ decide the course of your life.” She looked ready to wallop any such prophecy around its head. “If it's meant to be, it’ll happen anyway. All you have to do is follow your heart. You are a good man, Merlin, a kind man. You've always done what you thought best for those around you. So, I ask you to let your conscience and your heart guide you. "

“Whatever you think, never believe that all you did was in vain. You were doing it in the hope of bettering the lives of everyone, whether they be with or without magic. And the time of Arthur's rule was a great leap ahead from Uther's. Yes, magic is still outlawed, but did you fail to notice that the number of sorcerers put to death or sentenced were way lesser than before, and even the ones sentenced were sentenced for their abuse of the power? And The Round Table, which has the King, his knights and the advisors sitting and discussing as equals.” Her eyes shone, and Merlin was startled to see it was with pride. For him, and for Arthur. “There has been tremendous change Merlin. You and Arthur started it. And maybe, it's now up to you to complete it. There are others you care for in Camelot who miss you. And now that Gwen’s on the throne-”

" Wait. Gwen's the ruler of Camelot now." Merlin had to admit, he really hadn't thought about that till this very moment. He recalled the timid girl who had approached him on his first day in the stocks, with her adorably flustered praise. 'Some people are born to be Queen', she had said. Then, he would've hardly believed anyone who said she would've made a wonderfully fit Queen. He would've been terribly wrong. Though, the thought of someone on the throne who was not Arthur hurt. 

"She is. And she will be a good one, I think we both know that. However, to rule properly and justly, every monarch needs the support of those they trust. You know that as well as anyone.” She looked at him pointedly, and Merlin dropped his head to stare at the rough wood of the table. After a few silent seconds, he shook his head. 

“She has the Knights and the council to help her. She doesn't need me anymore. And.....mum, I can’t go back.” Merlin sighed. All that came to mind when thinking of Camelot or his friends was Arthur. And that just made him want to scream and weep till all his senses gave out. 

“I think Gwen would disagree about that first bit.” Hunith said. "I know it's hard to go back, Merlin. You've given so much already, no one could ever ask for more. You always have a home here, with me. Live the way we used to. A simple, happy life."  He could read it in her face, hear it in her voice. He missed his happy carefree days in Ealdor with mum and Will. Peaceful, and without the great weight of destiny weight of Destiny looming over him. He had felt limited, _bored_ here before leaving for Camelot. But now, he’d had enough excitement to last him the whole century. 

She gave a tiny, wistful smile. And then, getting nimbly to her feet, she proceeded in a cheerful voice with a bright twinkle in her eye, "Alright then. I assume you won't be sleeping soon again. Come on, get up and help your old mum out in the fields."  A smile got dragged out of him at that. He was pretty sure that all these years working the fields, with or without his help, had made his mum as strong and resilient as any Knight of Camelot. 'Old' was not something that occurred to anyone when thinking of Hunith.

************

Merlin spent his days strolling about the edge of the woods, helping his mother with the annual repair of their little home, doing his best to help out in the fields. He had been warmly greeted by the people of the village; when news of Arthur's demise reached Ealdor, there were many tears shed. They never could forget how the Prince had come with such frugal means of victory, just to give them a fighting chance. 

He had avoided thinking of Arthur as gone for a long time. It was only after he had spoken to Mum about it, that the inevitable reality of it hit him. More than the fact that he had not got to bring about their destiny at Arthur's side, it was the realization that he would never get to see him again, never talk, fight, argue, tease or joke childishly once more, that hurt. 

He also missed Gwaine. Really, he was the most considerate person Merlin had ever met. Without hesitation, he had come along with Merlin, no questions asked, that too with war impending on the kingdom. Merlin trusted Percival to get him to Camelot safely in time, and yet he worried for his friend.  And Gwen. She had been someone he loved and trusted since the very beginning of it all -his his best friend. It was worse to think of what she was going through now. He had never seen two people who loved one another the way Arthur and Gwen did. Such enormous responsibility weighed on her shoulders before she even had time to recover from her grief. Once again, he felt guilty for leaving her to suffer through this. He wondered what Percival had told them about what happened to Merlin.  Was Gaius still waiting everyday for him to show up? For all his strict and stoic demeanour, Merlin knew the old man loved him as a son; he would probably be preparing a little more dinner than necessary for one person everyday, just in case. 

It took a whole month for Merlin to realize that as much as he still was grieving Arthur, being away from all of them and from Camelot was only adding to his misery. Maybe he’d moped around long enough.

That night over dinner, Merlin took a deep, determined breath and said, “Mum, I’m going back.”

Hunith froze, spoon halfway to her mouth. “Are you sure?” She asked carefully. Merlin had made up his mind though, and he had to act before he could start questioning the decision. He nodded firmly. “Yeah. I....I miss them all. And it’s not helping any to deal with....well.....”

Hunith nodded, and then asked a dreaded question. “Are you still going to keep your magic a secret?”

Merlin shrugged, staring at the porridge cooling in his bowl. “I mean, it’s still illegal, and Gwen already has enough on her plate. I.....don’t know. I’ll see.” She smiled slightly, reassuringly. “I’m always there for you, Merlin. Do whatever  _ you _ think is right.”

Merlin smiled back. “Alright.”

Hunith’s smile widened into a delighted grin. “I always knew you’d go back.” 

“You seem all too glad to see me leave,” Merlin mumbled in mock offense, only to have his hair ruffled. “I am glad to see you go back to the life and people you love.” She informed him, and Merlin fell into her embrace readily. “I love  _ you _ . He mumbled against her shoulder.

She chuckled fondly, and ruffled his hair again. “I’ll miss you.” He added, and felt her take a deep breath. “And I you, Merlin.” She said softly.

“You could come with me, to Camelot.” Merlin said, but as always, she shook her head. “I have actually been planning to do some traveling, really.” Merlin looked up, mouth gaping. He knew she’d always wanted to visit a lot of places, but hadn’t realized she’d saved up enough to actually begin her travels. “That’s..that’s great!” 

“Not just yet, maybe in a year or two.” She replied, and then nudged him gently. “I will visit you in Camelot, though.”

Merlin accepted it, and cleared the table while she bustled about to pack enough supplies and food for his two-day long journey back to Camelot.

  
  


*************

He could see the castle in all its glory in the warm light of the dawn. As he walked his horse through the town towards the castle, he couldn't help but notice that the town was still mourning. Trade was going on as well as before, only it was much quieter. The people were still mourning the loss. 

There were familiar faces in the crowds, and he greeted them all politely, though maybe a tad bit distractedly. Sadness and anticipation warred inside him. He reached the castle, and as he rode through the doors, was met by the sight of several knights training at a distance. He dismounted and walked his exhausted horse to the stables. As soon as he handed it over to one of the stable boys and headed to his and Gaius’ quarters, nostalgia washed over him. It reminded him of the day he had first arrived here, excited and without a care in the world.

His heart was hammering so much, he was afraid it would jack-rabbit its way out of him. All the familiar guards greeted him with surprise, and he replied by instinct. And then, he was standing right in front of the door. With a deep sigh, he rapped on it. 

"Come in!" 

Gaius sat right at one of his tables, nose buried in one of his ancient tomes (as he’d expected, considering the distracted tone of his voice). Merlin pulled the door closed and walked up to him. Gaius didn't look up for even as he asked,

"Yes?" 

Merlin cleared his throat once. When Gaius remained as he was, nose buried in a tome that held his entire attention, he did it again. It worked, and he finally looked up at Merlin. 

For a moment, Gaius was absolutely silent. The very next second, Merlin was on the receiving end of a very rare hug. Merlin's smile widened into a grin. Letting go, Gaius looked him over carefully, and then exploded. "You foolish boy! What were you thinking, going off that way without telling anyone anything!? Percival barely knew enough to assuage my worries. Where have you been for an entire month?" 

“I am perfectly fine, Gaius. I was in Ealdor, with mum. She sends her best wishes to you." 

"Oh.. That's good to hear. It was time you met her anyways. And now that you're here, I hope you mean to stay?" Merlin’s heart warmed at the worry in his words, though he felt bad for leaving him so long.

"Yes. I'm not going anywhere."

"Well then, you must be famished. Go and freshen up while I get your favourite ready for you in a moment." 

So much for the gruff, calm exterior. Merlin could see in his eyes how glad and relieved he was. He must've been very busy all this time, what with all the people injured in the war-

"Gwaine! Gaius, how is he? " 

"Perfectly alright, thanks to your healing. He was not in a good way when Percival got him here, but stabilized soon enough"  Gaius added gently, "He'll be back to training in a week or so, I should say. It did take a toll on him, you know." Merlin's heart sank a little bit. Of course Gwaine was not going to be perfectly alright, not after what he'd gone through. 

"He needs you now, Merlin. Of course, most people would never notice what he was going through, he has put on a brave face through it all. You should go meet him."  It was serious, if even Gaius was concerned. Gwaine was one of the most genuinely optimistic and lively people he had ever known . The thought of him simply using those traits as a shield to hide his hurt from the world wormed a hole into Merlin's gut. 

With a heartfelt yet hurried thanks for the excellent stew (it was one of the things Gaius could actually make surprisingly well), he made quickly for the door. Just as he reached for the handle, the door flew open without warning, almost nailing him in the head.  As he cursed out loud in shock and jumped back, he heard a very familiar gasp. "Oh! I'm sorry, I thought-" and another, louder gasp. 

The next thing Merlin knew, he was having his very life squeezed out of him with a bone crushing embrace. It took his mind a second to catch up, and once he realized the arms wrapped around him were Gwen's, he hugged back just as hard. 

"Oh god, Merlin." She impossibly tightened her hold on him. He melted into the embrace, feeling safe and at home. Gwen always had that effect on most people, him included. 

When she finally pulled back, her eyes were glistening. She was beaming at him, and he realized he was doing the same. "Oh, I missed you. I thought I saw you from the window, but I couldn't be sure. Sorry for barging in on you," she added to Gaius. Then, turning back to Merlin, asked "Where  _ were _ you all this time?" 

Again, the stab of guilt prodded him. But there was not a hint of reproach in her voice; just wholehearted concern. 

"I was with mum, in Ealdor. I couldn't return immediately after...." Merlin tried to clear his throat, but in vain.

A strange light entered Gwen's eyes; it unsettled him, but not because it was hostile. Because he’d never seen it before, and there was very little of her he didn’t know. She held his hands in her own, and said.,"Gaius told me about how you tried to save him, despite the odds. Thank you, Merlin." It was all Merlin could do to look down at the floor. He couldn't bear to meet her eyes and see the pain reflected in them. 

Just then, a guard called from the door. "My Lady, the council awaits your presence." 

She cleared her throat. "Of course, a moment." Looking at Merlin with anxious and apologetic eyes, she said, "Merlin, I -" 

"Oh, I understand. Your royal duties await you, My Queen." Merlin replied with a sideways smile before she could apologize. She returned it with some effort.

"We’re not done talking. Would you join me for dinner tonight? There is much we need to speak of." she said. 

"I'll manage to fit it into my busy schedule somehow." 

"Thank you for your consideration. See you in the evening." she replied with a smile in her voice. 

Merlin felt terribly proud. As proud as he had been when Arthur was crowned King. The banter was just each of them trying their best to keep up the farce of normalcy, as though nothing had changed. It was never going to work out like this, though.  They really did need to talk a lot of things through. But first, there was someone else to check up on.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GWAINE!!!  
> Alright, full discosure: I love writing Gwaine but it's so damn hard for some reason. Please be kind, my entire mental capacity (aka the one braincell screaming at the other dead ones) went into this.

"Come in!" Gwaine’s familiar voice came from the other side of the door as Merlin knocked, and a giddy relief swept through him. Merlin popped his around the door.

"Surprise."

Gwaine sat at the table, cross-legged in the chair with a tray of breakfast before him. At the sound of Merlin's voice, he looked up. Merlin didn't quite catch him move before he was enveloped in yet another crushing embrace even before he was properly inside the room. 

Gwaine pulled back, scanning him head to toe and beaming. "I knew it. I knew you’d be back, sooner or later."

"Yeah, sorry for leaving without a word. I just.......” Trailing off, Merlin shook off the gloom. “Anyways, how are you doing?", 

"Oh, fit as a fiddle! I've wanted to go back out since last week, but your old man won't let me go anywhere except for a stroll, or some fresh air.” He said, a tad bit whinily. “I am to rest for another week before setting foot in the town." 

" Funny, you say ‘town’, but I hear ‘tavern’.” Merlin crossed his arms across his chest. “Well, 'my old man' , as you call him, is the best physician in Camelot, so you better heed his advice."

“If you say so.” 

It made the corners of Merlin's mouth twitch upwards. It didn't last long, though.The hollowness nagged immediately, trying to make him fall into it once more. Could Gwaine tell? Part of Merlin was thankful he hadn't brought up Arthur; it was too hard. It was ridiculous, how many things there were that were too much to talk about. Gwaine himself was still recovering from Morgana's attack. He wasn't one to bottle up, at least not with Merlin. He would work through it, wouldn't he?

"If there's anything you want to talk about, I'm always here. Whatever you need." Merlin offered. 

Gwaine eyed him, uncharacteristically grave. It was almost unsettling, seeing him so. ."Whatever I need, you say?" His lips stretched into a smile that Merlin couldn't quite get a read on, and that was definitely not good. When Gwaine spoke, Merlin nearly passed out right then and there.

"You are a sorcerer, aren't you." It was not even a question, more like a statement of fact. Merlin could almost feel his soul abandon him and float away.

Once Gwaine realized that Merlin couldn't wouldn't argue, his smile widened into a smug grin.

"Wha...... Wait, how did....."

"Oh, you shouldn't have healed me if you didn't want to out yourself."

And now, Merlin was just bemused. "Huh?"

"I know it was magic that healed me. Your magic. I felt you, when you were doing it." Gwaine's brows knit together, puzzled. "I can't describe it, but I knew it was you the moment I woke up."

Several moments of gaping wordlessly later, Merlin got his tongue to cooperate." Okay..... and….. well?"

"What's there to ask!? Of course, I'm gonna keep it to myself. Honestly? I don't see how you kept it hidden all these years. ... Can't have been easy." A hint of appreciation tinged that smug grin. Merlin relaxed a bit, allowing himself a deep, fortifying breath. 

"Well, some people did know....... Mum, obviously. And Gaius always knew. Lancelot found out first, when I had to help him kill the Griffin with magic. And.." Just say it. "I had to tell Arthur the day after the battle. I kept it from him for so long."

Gwaine nodded slightly, smile vanishing at the mention of Arthur. He may have teased and antagonised the King at every opportunity, but only those who knew Gwaine well would realize it was all in good heart. He had lost someone dear to him too. The weight of Gwaine's hand on his shoulder gave him some comfort."I'm sorry, Merlin. I wish for your sake, and and that of many others, that things were different here. "

Merlin stared. It was one thing to keep his secret, and it was another to state outright (a Knight of Camelot, that too) that he found the Law of the kingdom wrong. Say what you will about the wild course of his life, Merlin had somehow managed to make the best freaking friends. 

Then it struck him that someone significant had been left out from the list of people who knew. "Oh, by the way, Percival knows as well...... He found out when I healed you." 

Merlin almost flinched at Gwaine’s triumphant cry. "AHA! I knew he's keeping something from me ever since we returned. He’s never looked as shifty and guilty before. I though it was about, well, us getting ambushed, but..... Well, he did keep it well to himself, I have to admit.” He shook his head with something that could be either a smirk or a grimace.

Gwaine had gone and settled himself in his chain once more during this speech, and gestured to Merlin to do the same. Merlin obliged, and the interrogation he really should have been expecting commenced. 

"So, how powerful are you? You have to be at least a bit over the average to have performed such effective healing.”

Merlin raised a brow. “How do you know so much about Magic?”

“Oh, come on Merlin. Don’t look so gobsmacked. You forget, I travelled all over the land before settling here. One picks up things. I do some things other that being charismatic and charming all the time."

Filing that little bit of knowledge away for contemplation at a later date, Merlin took another deep breath. “Okay, alright. Well, not to blow my own trumpet, but there are many of my kind who believe me to be the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk these lands." Merlin wiggled his fingers for the last bit. 

Gwaine's eyes widened comically. "Of course you would be", he said a moment later, smiling fondly (and maybe, a little bit proudly). Then his face morphed into a frown as he seemed to be processing a new idea. "Say, you wouldn't happen to be the one who zapped the enemy lines with lightning and won us the war, would you?" 

Merlin grinned sheepishly. 

"Oh gods it was you."

"So was the old sorcerer, the 'Great Dragoon'....." 

Once again, Merlin had the pleasure of witnessing Gwaine's eyes almost pop out of their sockets. "Dammit! I knew that old sorcerer was familiar!". Gwaine grinned, eyes lit up like a little kid who was going to be told the best bedtime story ever. "Well...if you don't have much to do now, oh Great Warlock, tell me everything." 

*****

The sun was high in the sky; it had been a couple of hours after dawn when Merlin had started talking to Gwaine. He had told him basically everything, and Gwaine had listened with rapt attention.

He let out a low whistle. "If it weren't for you telling me, I would've thought anyone narrating this story was batshit crazy."

"Well, that's still debatable." 

Gwaine barked out a laugh. They were currently sitting beside each other, having shifted at some point during the conversation. "You know, Merlin, all this time I've known you, you've never failed to surprise me. Now, despite knowing your secret, I doubt that's going to change anything at all."

He would never understand how much comfort and warmth these words held for Merlin in that moment. A few seconds later though, this feeling turned into dread, as a mischievous twinkle entered Gwaine's eye. 

" Oh no. I know that look. "

" Well, for all you claims of being the most power sorcerer ever,-" 

"I did not claim anything of the sort, it's just that some people believe-" 

"Oh, semantics. You gotta give me some proof of your magical prowess!" 

"Gwaine, it's not something to be used for fun! Magic has to be used purposefully, and-" 

With a wave, Gwaine dismissed it. "Oh, come off it. You’ve probably used it to steal pies from the kitchens." Merlin would've argued if he were not absolutely right. 

"Oh, what the hell." Merlin spread out his palm, and muttered the words. A ball of opalescent blue light appeared over his open palm. It went zooming a couple of rounds about the room, and came to a stop in front of him and Gwaine before flickering out. 

Gwaine's face was awestruck and mesmerised, like a child watching it snow for the first time. He grinned widely at Merlin. "You are the real deal, Merlin.", he said, and proceeded to ruffle his hair. 

Before Merlin could object to the gesture, a knock sounded at the door. It opened to reveal Gaius. 

"Well, I see you've been busy catching up. How are you doing?" 

"Splendid as ever, Gaius, thank you." Gwaine said as he closed the door. Once it was shut completely, he continued,"Merlin here was just demonstrating his magical abilities" 

“What!?"

"Gwaine!" Merlin yelled in despair, and turned to Gaius, who looked absolutely ready to lecture him right through the week. 

"I swear, Gaius, he figured it out himself when I healed him!"

Gaius just looked at him, raising that formidable eyebrow. A long moment later, the old man sighed and looked between the two of them. "Well, let's hope you can keep it from spreading any more. And, the reason I came here in the first place. Here," He handed a small vial of liquid to Gwaine. 

Merlin eyed it suspiciously. Then his eyes widened. "Is that a sleeping drought?" 

A bit of the twinkle in Gwaine's eyes dimmed, and Merlin's heart sank. Gwaine shrugged. "Don't you worry about it. It's just a passing thing...... I'll be back to sleeping peacefully soon enough." 

The soft half-smile he was giving him did nothing to ease his despair. Merlin promised to himself: happen whatever may, he would do everything in his power to help him. The friendship and sympathy he had shown Merlin, how understanding and patient he had been all this time, despite not knowing the truth. Gwaine was one of the most wonderful people he would ever meet, Merlin knew that. And he was determined to never let that man get lost. 

"I know I've said it before, but I'm here, whenever you need me. I'm not going anywhere." 

Gwaine's smile looked a little more genuine as he nodded his thanks. "Glad to know." 

"I shall leave you two to it then. But be sure to come back in an hour, Merlin! I have some chores for you to do." 

"Oh come on Gaius, I literally just came back!" Merlin groaned as Gwaine chuckled, but Gaius had already left the room. 

"I was hoping to get some sleeping done before dinner." Merlin grumbled. "Gwen asked me to eat with her. Speaking of," he turned to Gwaine and asked, something turning inside his gut. "how is she, really?" 

Gwaine shook his head at the ground. "It wasn't easy Merlin. She is stronger than I ever gave her credit for. There is the task of dealing with those so-called nobles, as bad as ever. However, with a little support from the knights, I think She’s making her place as the Queen of Camelot pretty solidly. Mind you, this is all secondhand information, it's source being Percival and Leon. I'm not really allowed to be out and involved in all this yet. Physician's orders."

Merlin sighed. Gwen was overworking herself, he could see it in her wan feature today morning. Gwaine thumped him reassuringly on his back (albeit a bit too hard; what was it with these Knights bruising people up to cheer them up!?). "Well, you better go and get rested after your journey. From what I gathered, you have work to do!" 

Merlin rolled his eyes and trudged towards the door. "Oh wait." He turned about. "Where are Percival and Leon? I couldn't find them anywhere." 

"Oh, they've gone with a patrol to the southern villages, off disappointing all the bandits who are trying to taking advantage of a new regime. They should be back by tomorrow."

“Right. See you soon, then. "

"See you, Merlin."

With that, Merlin proceeded to go to Gaius. On reaching their quarters, he found Gaius at the table, with lunch readily layed out for them. 

"Finally. I thought you would never leave." 

"Alright, alright. I'm here now. Let's eat! I'm famished." 

"Of course you are, you've been talking for 5 hours straight! You need to rest after all that travelling." 

"What happened to chores?" 

"Honestly boy, I'm not a slave driver!” Merlin eyed him skeptically, and Gaius sighed. “There are no chores for you. Well, not today. But I expect you to get back to work from tomorrow. “

Merlin felt a pang of as he thought back to not so long ago when 'work' included waiting on and watching after Arthur. Doing his best to shrug it off, Merlin replied "Of course you do" 

They ate for a while in comfortable silence, till Merlin broke it. "How has Gwen been, Gaius?" 

Gaius set his spoon down. "I worry about her. She's stretched thin, and got barely any time to get through her grief. She has thrown herself into the responsibilities and work to avoid dealing with her loss. I can hardly say that's a healthy attitude.” He sighed heavily. With a jolt, Merlin remembered that Gaius too had known both Arthur and Gwen since they were children. 

In a slightly lighter tone, he continued, “I have to admit, she is a very able queen. She handled everything so well, there has been minimal unrest -even in the remotest of areas- in the past month. The trade and political relations are being maintained extremely well. Sir Leon has been a great support to her these days. He is always reliable and ready to carry out any task given to him. His advice is also invaluable."

Merlin listened with a now familiar mix of a sinking heart, overwhelming pride and the bitter pinch of guilt."I'm glad she had some support."

"That aside, I do believe that Lady Guinivere would rather appreciate a specific someone to be by her side as well. As much as an advisor as a friend." Gaius looked pointedly at Merlin. 

He could feel himself going a bit red. "What, me!? But I know nothing of ruling a kingdom!" 

Gaius gave him a dry look. "Considering you've been unofficially helping Arthur with almost everything for the last ten years, I can hardly believe that to be true." 

"I.." Merlin really couldn't argue with that. He felt his heart sink, and he remembered his resolution to himself when he had left Ealdor. "Gaius, I don't think I can live the way I used to, hiding my magic every second of every day from someone I love so dearly. And I really don't think Gwen would want a powerful sorcerer anywhere near the ruling of her kingdom, seeing that Arthur was killed by them. In her eyes, It could defeat the purpose of the entire war against Morgana, and that would make years of Arthur's rule seem futile." 

Gaius looked at him, his face a mask of incredulity and frustration."My boy, you may be the most powerful sorcerer to walk earth, but I have to say that you are as thick as they make them!" 

A scolding was the last thing Merlin was expecting, honestly. Before he could protest, Gaius forged on. 

"Since Arthur's rule started, magic may have remained outlawed. But it's only the abuse of magic that was ever punished. The winds are changing, Merlin. Gwen is of the same mind; she and I had quite a lengthy discourse upon this matter. And as for hiding your magic from her...... "

Merlin suddenly grew wary, because Gaius had an uncharacteristically sheepish look he had rarely donned before. 

" Yeah, What about it?"

"Well, she is quite sharp and observant, and has known you for several years, so you could hardly expect to-" 

Dread trickled down Merlin's spine, slow and steady. " You clued her in to it, didn't you." 

"Well, kind of.” 

Something like a squeak escaped Merlin's mouth. His heart was hammering and his gut was sinking and his head spinning and every single part of him trying to dislocate. He was going to bloody pass out.

Gaius hastily added, “But I didn't say anything more than I should have. I never heard her admit her guess outright. But I am pretty sure she knows." 

"Oh, you're pretty sure are you!? Come on Gaius! How could you let this happen!? Now Gwaine knows, And Percival has known for a month, is it even a secret anymore?" Merlin went on, blatantly ignoring Gaius' astounded exclamation at the knowledge that Percival knew as well. "And now you tell me you're pretty sure that the bloody QUEEN of CAMELOT knows!?" 

"Merlin, calm down. If she indeed knew, then you've seen how she received you today despite the knowledge. And if she didn't, it's up to you to do as you wish." 

Hm. There was a point there. He took a deep breath and felt his insides settle down just a bit. Maybe the situation was not as bewilderingly terrifying as it had first seemed. But the fear of his magic getting revealed still loomed. Merlin slowly understood why it was that this scared him so much, though his own decision was to tell Gwen. He wanted so badly to do it on his own terms, to willingly share himself with someone. So many people who knew, he had had no choice but to tell. This was his last chance. 

And he was damn well taking it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GWEN!!!  
> She's a total angel, I can't wait to upload the next chapter :) 
> 
> Leave a kudos or yell at me in the comments if you enjoyed :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I hope this one's worth it!

Merlin paused at the door, fist mere inches away from knocking on the door. Part of him was tempted to go as far away from the room as possible. Just standing in the corridor outside what used to be Arthur's room, knowing he wouldn't be inside this time, gnawed at Merlin's heart. 

But Gwen was in there. Had been in there the past month, alone like she had never been before. 

He knocked. 

"Yes?"

She was at the desk by the window, in the far corner of the room, poring over a pile of parchment. Setting foot in this room was hard. All the times he and Arthur had talked to each other within these walls, bickered and teased and laughed and joked left Merlin feeling a bit hollow. 

"Merlin." Gwen's smile was as kind and generous and warm as it had always been, that he had always found comfort in. But, unsurprisingly, she looked exhausted. There were dark circles beneath her eyes, and her colour wasn't as healthy as it used to be. She had always fussed and mothered him whenever he was going through a rough patch, and now......

He smiled back at her as wide as he could manage to. "My Queen."

She rolled her eyes. "It's Gwen to you. Oh, what are you standing there for, sit down. I'll be with you in a minute. Just proofreading this bill before signing it...." she trailed off, shifting her focus to the sheet of paper in her hand, worrying her lip with her teeth as she read it with rapt attention. After scribbling something onto it for a moment, she mumbled, “Done with that...” and gathered all the documents before shutting them away in the drawer.

Walking over to the door, she asked the guards to not let anyone disturb them for as long as required. Then she joined Merlin at the table, giving him a look that was equal parts weary and relieved. Once she sat down, none of them seemed ready to speak. An awkward silence, pregnant with a sort of anticipation, stretched on for a few minutes.

"Merlin-"

"I'm so-" 

They both abruptly spoke at the same time, and paused just as fast. "Go on, you first." she said. And so Merlin did.

"Well, the first thing I want to say is that I'm sorry. For a lot of things. Going off to Ealdor without a word, leaving all of you worrying here. No, let me finish," he said as she almost interrupted him with an outraged expression. " I also failed to fulfill my duty of protecting Arthur.” Merlin felt choked. The words were pouring out now, feeling both like a wound and a balm. “It was my destiny and I failed. But that's not what really matters, what matters is that I let Arthur die. I couldn't save him despite doing every single thing I could think of! I'm sorry for letting him go. I'm sorry, so sorry, for everything....... "

‘Sorry’ had never felt quite as inadequate a word as it did now. His face was hot and stuffy, and no matter how much he tried, he couldn't stop the goddamned tears. He hadn't meant to say it this way. Heck, he hadn't meant to bare his heart to such an extent so soon. 

Gwen hadn't let even a single one of the tears her eyes escape. "You have nothing, nothing to apologize for Merlin." Her lip was trembling as a drop made its way down her cheek. "You did your best, and that's all anyone can do. Do you think I haven't been spending my nights thinking that maybe there was something I could've done or said, to prevent it from happening? I’m doing my best and so should all of us. Try, as long and as hard as we can. "

"You don't know the things I've done, Gwen. You don't know who I really am. " Even as he said the words, the flutter or nerves or tension he had expected to feel were absent. The remorse and grief and a million other terrible things were already too much.

Gwen's face took on an indecipherable look. She dabbed away the wetness on her face with the sleeve of her dress. "I know, Merlin. I do. I know the man that you are. And I trust you with all my heart."

He knew now that she had figured it out. And even if she hadn't, he had to tell her. Part of him wished he had told Arthur before, and they had more time to come to terms with it. He wasn’t going to make the same mistake a second time. The consequences, however harsh, could be handled. He didn't believe he could quite survive the way he used to anymore. 

"I’m a sorcerer, Gwen. I have magic." 

"I know." She was right beside him now, and had taken his trembling hands in her own warm ones. 

"No, there's more." 

Now, a mild puzzled frown appeared on her face. She remained silently encouraging, letting him speak in his own time. 

"It was my destiny. Protecting Arthur. It was declared so by ancient prophecy. Emrys, which is what the druids know me as, was born to protect The Once And Future King who would unite the five kingdoms and bring about the Golden Age of Magic to the land."

He had never seen Gwen quite as shocked as she looked now.

"And the Once And Future King ..... Arthur? "

Merlin nodded. 

The warm grip on his loosened, though he was thankful it didn't slip away entirely. She shook her head, confused."So all you've done, saving Arthur's life god knows how many times....is because of a prophecy?" 

"Well, at the beginning......for the first couple of weeks or so. But for the best part of these years, all I’ve done is because he was my friend, and my King. I loved him, that's why I did what I did."

Gwen's lips were pressed tightly together. She was still holding his hands, and was just squeezing his them harder than ever. She looked down at their hands held together, and a few more tears escaped her eyes. 

Everything that she had pressed down for weeks welled up. That someone had lived with all that inside them, never giving way and never letting a single person see any of it, was terrifying. He knew firsthand how hard it was to repress, but he always had at least Gaius to talk to, no matter what. But Gwen had been bearing the burden for over a month all alone. 

She choked on her words so badly, they barely made sense. “I hardly know what to do. Anything I do, I fear it will undo all that he has done to build Camelot. I miss him everywhere, all the time." 

Merlin knew that not coming straight back to Camelot after Arthur's passing had been the right thing to do. It hurt him to leave behind his friends to cope alone, but he knew he had needed the time to himself. Otherwise, he would have never been of any help here, wretched and broken forever. However, he hadn't hated having to do this quite as much as he did now, watching Gwen - the beautiful, strong, proud and comforting Gwen he knew - look so small and defeated as she hunched over their hands, shaking with the force of her sobs. He gently pulled his hands away from hers, only to pull her into the biggest hug he could give. She continued to cry as he held her, and Merlin was beyond tears. 

Gwen was fierce in a way people rarely noticed. She was probably the strongest person Merlin knew. He knew she would work through this; she could do anything she set her mind to, in time. And he would help her through it, however he could. He still remembered the time Gwen had launched herself at the Lamia to save his life, screaming so furiously at it to step away from him. It still made him feel a tad bit lighter, and more in love with Gwen than ever. 

Slowly leaning back from him, Gwen wiped her tear stained face on her sleeve and looked up at him with her brown eyes, all red and puffy now. "Some of the advisors, The Knights and Gaius , have been of great support to me during this month. Sir Leon, especially. He is the most experienced of the knights, and knows as much of state matters as he does of warfare and strategy. But everyone either looked up to me as their Queen, or judged me based on their own deep seated biases." Merlin couldn't help but let out a derisive huff at the last sentence. With a bleak smile at that, She sighed."I’m glad you’re back."

She was smiling a quiet smile. And Merlin couldn't help but return it. 

"I'm not going anywhere. We will work our way through this. Together." 

"Together", she agreed, and then went on with half-hearted anger and real worry in her voice,"And if you ever go off like that again without letting anyone know anything, I will most definitely have you thrown in the dungeons! When Percival came back with absolutely no information, it drove me mad, thinking of what all could've gone wrong." 

Merlin winced. "Sorry, I wasn't really thinking."

Sighing, she said,"Well, seeing that you're back now, you're forgiven."

Another long moment of silence passed, not awkward as before, but comfortable. 

Then with a determined set of jaw and a curious glint in her eyes, Gwen got up to her feet and started serving herself, gesturing Merlin to do the same. The thought of making someone else serving her or looking after her hadn't sat well with Gwen. She hadn't appointed a personal servant for herself, but had just hired someone to serve as more of a private secretary, to organize her schedule daily.

"Now, after we eat, I want to hear the entire story. All of it. That is, if you feel up to it." She said. 

Though he quailed a bit at the prospect, Merlin nodded. "Of course. Though I rather feel you should have your shut eye." 

"Even Gaius' most potent sleeping draught would fail to put me to sleep tonight." She muttered. 

It was going to be one long night. 

****

It was about midnight when Merlin finished. Just like Gwaine and his mum had, Gwen didn't interrupt him for even a second. 

He and Gwen were in the chairs by the fireplace, facing one another. It was strange, once he’d finished. Could someone feel like the weight of a mountain was off their shoulders and at the same time, their soul was weighed down by the same? Apparently, yes. He heard Gwen take a deep breath. Well, he couldn't possibly avoid her gaze for all of eternity.

Merlin looked up. She was..........shocked? Upset? Awed? Bewildered? He couldn’t tell. It was rare, him not being able to read Gwen. 

She abruptly shot up from the chair, hoisting him to his feet at the same time. He barely had a second to contemplate whether or not she was going to have him thrown out of the room when she threw her arms about his shoulders (Merlin had to admit, he could get used to getting so many hugs everyday). 

Merlin stood stock still with his arms pinned to his side. "Uhh...." 

"How could you live for so long with all that buried inside you? A month of pressing down my feelings had me nearly in shambles, but you........ How?" she mumbled, her voice muffled by his shoulder, where her face was buried. 

Then she pulled back, and looked beseechingly." Why didn't you ever tell me before!? Were you honestly afraid that I would turn you in or get you executed?" 

"Of course not, Gwen. I...... just felt you didn't need to have this hanging over your head all the time. It's just the way it has always been...... And the situation never quite changed enough, to be honest." 

"Well, I'm glad you told me now." As she sat down again, her eyes took on a far away look. "You know, Merlin.......I was so sure that you would always look after Arthur. I was definitely worried, but I didn't realize till Percival came back that Arthur could really be gone. You know why? Because you were with him. Not the greatest sorcerer ever, but his most loyal friend.” 

He had failed at that. So, so miserably failed. But Gwen went on, "It took a long time and a lot of pain for me to realise that dwelling on what we could or should've done differently will do nothing except drive us insane.” 

She took him by the shoulders, and pinned him with a look that was both sad and determined. “Merlin, what we can do is to go on. Go on with our lives. I know it's not easy. But we have to find purpose instead of drowning in guilt and regret. I can barely begin to understand what you are dealing with. But know that I'm here for you as much as you are for me."

He should go on, as she put it. For Arthur. For Gwen. For himself, dammit. He knew it would be hard on both of them. And he also knew that there was nobody he would rather have at his side than Gwen. 

Except maybe Arthur. 

They sat silently for a long, staring into the crackling fire and lost in their own tumultuous minds till Gwen spoke. "Today, when I was walking past the training area, I saw Knights training the Squires. And.... Well I was thinking......" She looked a bit unsure about going on. 

Ooohh, most of the times Gwen was a bit unsure about an idea, it ended up being an awesome one. "What is it? Go on, you don't get to start what you were saying and just stop, leaving me in suspense!!"

“Oh, all right! I was just thinking, since I am now the Queen, it's time I was properly trained to fight. Or at least defend myself. "

"You are decent with a sword, you know. Way better than me, atleast." She smiled weakly, nooding. "I know, but all it would take to overpower me physically would be two skilled fighters, or even one skilled fighter, if I'm being honest. So, I think after I've got my Queenly duties more or less in order, I could take out some time and train with the knights. "

See? Awesome, as always. "That is a fantastic idea. You should do it."

"Well, I don't ever think of leading them in the field of battle like Arthur used to. Sir Leon has become quite the leader for them. However, I should be able to look after myself."

"Yeah....it would also be a great way to strengthen your ties with the knights. Great team building. You could also imagine it's Lord Tyron's or another pompous snob's sorry arse when you're hacking away at a practice dummy. It's a stroke of genius." 

Gwen smiled back."Well then, it's settled. I'll do it as soon as I create some semblance of balance.... It is entirely different to be Regent than to actually run the kingdom by oneself. Honestly, getting any more than a couple hours to myself is a miracle. "

"Trust me, if anyone can work miracles, It's you."

Gwen snorted. "You don't have to flatter me, I have already given you a raise."

Merlin eyed her worriedly. The lack of any rest or reprise from work was evident in her. "You get to bed, now. And don't you dare say you've more stuff to go through," he hastily added as she opened her mouth in protest. "You won't be able to do anything anymore if you keep this up. Now sleep."

She looked down, eyes fixed on the edge of her sleeve that she was picking at. "It's… hard, sleeping all alone again. It feels so empty. Gods, I'm being _ridiculous_!" She huffed and shook her head, sniffling. 

A pang of grief struck again, and Merlin determinedly pushed it away. Not before Gwen, Not when she was like this. "Hey, It will be fine. Do you… shall I set up another room for you, for a bit? It's no trouble, you know."

She smiled wanly. “Thank you. But I.. don't think I could bear to stay away either." The words may be confusing, but he knew the urge to hold on, keep what they still had. And some things had to be done alone.

He nodded. "Good Night, Gwen" 

She smiled wanly. "Good night Merlin." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gwen and Merlin have the purest friendship ever (S5 did them so dirty)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed it!! Leave a kudos or a comment if you like :) :) :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I assure you, there is a vague plot to this story (it's not all feels and emotions and angst) and it begins now!!

Merlin groaned, still half asleep, at the bright sunlight streaming through the windows. With the level of stubbornness that can only be achieved when prompted to get out of bed, he just hugged his pillow tighter and screwed his eyes shut.

Alas, it was in vain. He dragged himself out of his bed and trudged over to close the curtains. Stupid curtains, stupid sunlight, stupid- Merlin groaned, now more awake and functional. Why hadn’t he shut them with Magic? Stupid Merlin.

As he groaned and grumbled and stretched, Gaius’ head popped around the door. 

"Oh good, you're up! I was coming along to see if you were still asleep. Really, Merlin. You've slept right through half the morning! It's closer to lunchtime now than breakfast. What happened to resuming your duties from today? " 

Incoherent grumbling was all the reply he got to that. Though, Merlin thought with a small smile as he left for his lunch/breakfast, If Gaius was actually concerned about his duties as much as he apparently did, he would've woken him up way earlier. Really, for all his tough and strict exterior, Gaius was a softie at heart. 

"Get moving, Merlin! There's been a bout of a nasty flu in parts of the lower town. I'll be needing your help." 

Oh well. It was unavoidable, Merlin knew. And really, he didn't mind at all. It would be really nice to get back into the routine with Gaius. 

Hours later, they were walking back to the castle. It was as grueling as ever, calling on the sick one by one. Despite that, Merlin was feeling a contentment he hadn't felt in days. Like things somehow fit. Like he fit. Working with Gaius felt exactly as it always had done all these years, like nothing had changed. 

But they had. More for him than most. But... It was a comfort to know some things remained as they were. And it was enough to assuage his heart for the time being. 

**********

Merlin and Gaius had just come in. They were nowhere near done with their tasks for the day. Various draughts and potions and ointments were yet to be delivered to the various inhabitants of the castle. Just as Merlin was gathering some ingredients (for a particularly nasty smelling ointment that he was NOT looking forward to mixing), someone knocked at the door. It was one of the guards on duty. "The Queen is asking for both of you in the Eastern Council Hall." 

Gaius mumbled something resignedly under his breath. "You go, Merlin. I'll be right behind you. If I don't sort these tonics out in time, Lord Gavin is sure to stir up a hornet’s nest." 

"Sure you don't need my help?"

"Yes, yes. Go on, quickly."

Flashing Gaius a wide grin, Merlin swiftly went out the door and strode away to the council hall. What could it be? 

Much to his surprise, no guards stood guard near the entrance of the chamber. The first thing he noticed on stepping in was Gwen, seated directly opposite the door. He barely had the time to register the somewhat excited twinkle in her eye before his eyes caught sight of the two other people standing a bit to the side.

Percival. And Leon. 

They looked up as he entered,and for a moment, just stared. Then both their faces broke into beaming smiles.He was recieved by Leon placing a frim hand on his shoulder, "Welcome back, Merlin." 

"Good to see you too, Sir Leon."

Percival thumped Merlin on his back a tad bit too hard, and stated. "I knew you would come back. We really missed you these few weeks." 

Gwen took this opportunity to include herself in the conversation. 

"Sir Leon and Percival have just returned from leading a team of the Knights near the outlying settlements. I thought that everyone could do with a pleasant surprise about now." 

"You were right, my lady. However, I wish to retire for a while, and I will have the reports prepared for you by today evening." said Leon. Percival gave a barely perceptible eye-roll at the mention of reports. 

"Definitely, Leon." 

Looking once again at Merlin, Leon said,"It's good having you back with us. See you later, Merlin." With that, he proceeded to leave the hall. Classic Leon; all formal and proper. Yet, Merlin knew he valued and cared about him as much as any of the other knights. 

Just as Percival was about to take his leave as well, he noticed the subtle gesture from Gwen, asking him to stay. Once Leon had left and shut the door behind him, Gwen asked the both of them to be seated. They did, Gwen at the head of the table and Merlin and Percival on either side. 

Gwen turned to Merlin. "Could you make sure no one's listening to us, please?" 

Merlin did so in an instant , one of the perks of being an almighty sorcerer. "All secure. Go on." 

Percival looked between Gwen and Merlin, his confusion increasing every moment. "Merlin, you didn't even get up from your seat, how did y-" Then his eyes widened a bit as he realized what had happened. Then, they widened even more (comically, one may say) as he realized. 

"My lady! I don't...... I didn't.......... wha.........” He paused, and looked wordlessly between them for a moment. “h-how do you know!?" 

"Merlin told me. Yesterday night. I also figured it out myself a long time ago to be honest. " The smile on her face was at once placating and amused. 

Percival looked disbelievingly as Merlin. "You told her!?" He seemed panicked for a few moments, till it sank in that The Queen of Camelot, despite knowing of his friend's magic for almost a day, hadn't thrown him into the dungeons or had him executed. The panic was followed by relief, which was quickly replaced by anxious concern. "My lady, the fact that I knew about this and did not tell you anything of it is not an indication of my lack of loyalty to you or Camelot. I just-"

"I completely understand, Percival. I never doubted your loyalties for even a moment." 

Merlin chose that moment to interject, "Oh, I kind of had to tell Gwaine all about it too. Just so you know." 

Percival let out an enormous sigh. "Thank god, I don't need to hide anything from him anymore. It really was the hardest part of keeping your secret." Merlin and Gwen exchanged a quick amused smile, and Percival said smilingly, "Well, Merlin, I seem to be doing a better job of it than you have!" 

Well, he had a point. 

Gwen now had a determined, yet mildly anxious expression. Lacing her fingers together on the table, she said, "There are still a couple of people I'm expecting. I'll tell you in the meanwhile why I asked you all here. It-" 

Just then there was a knock on the door, and Gwaine walked in. On spotting Percival, his face broke into a wide smile, matching the one on Percival's face. 

"Well, well! You're back sooner than expected. Your Highness. Merlin." he greeted them. Then, sitting next to Percival at the table, he asked him, "How did you patrolling go?" 

"As well as dealing with bandits could go. We caught them all easily enough. Leon's gone to write the report." Gwaine rolled his eyes just as Percival had done, perhaps a bit less subtly. "Why is Leon so obsessed with writing reports!? It's uncanny. He writes everything. Everything. If there is a horse wounded, he writes a whole page on how it came to pass. Honestly, it's wei-" 

He halted mid-sentence at the admonishing look Gwen shot him, and let her continue. "Merlin, what's keeping Gaius so long? I would've thought you were with him when I asked you both to be here." Gwen asked Merlin. "yeah, it's just that time of the day when he-" 

The were once again interrupted by a knock, followed by a Gaius. "I apologized for the delay, my lady. I had to prepare medication for the various Lords and Ladies of the castle." 

"Of course, Gaius. I wouldn't have called for you at this time if it were not a serious issue." 

They all looked at her quizzically. There was a palpable tension in the air. Merlin once again noticed the determined set of the jaw, and the tension in her eyes. She sat up straight, and skimmed her eyes once over the small gathering before settling them on Merlin for a long moment. It was then that it dawned on Merlin the people in this room were the entire population of Camelot that knew about his magic.

"We are the only people in Camelot who know of Merlin's magic, and what he has done for us, for all of Camelot. Except Gaius here, all of us have lived and been brought up in a society that has been taught to see Sorcery and Magic as the source of all evil. But now we know- I think we've known since quite a while- that it's not true. I have asked you all here because, knowing about Merlin's magic, you've stood by him as loyally as ever. I trust that you will stand with me and help begin something that is long overdue for Camelot." Gaius was looking straight at her, face stoic. Gwaine and Percival was frowning quizzically and Gwaine was wearing an expectant half smile. Merlin could feel his heart thundering and attempting to jack-rabbit out of his chest as he realized where she was going with this. 

With a sharp exhale, she said words.

"I think it's high time we bring Magic back to Camelot." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!!


	7. Chapter 7

Maybe he was asleep, and this was a dream. Or worse, had all the trauma given him brain damage?

Gwen began to look nervous as the shocked silence weighed down.

"Gwen, wha---wh---why'd------" It was all he could do to splutter this out. 

Percival was busy imitating a fish, his mouth opening and closing in an attempt to vocalize, while Gwaine looked delighted. Gaius finally spoke. 

"You do understand, My lady, that it's not going to be an immediate change, or even an easy one."

"I do. The entire kingdom won't simply accept this easily. Uther has done his best to make magic seem evil. Not everyone is aware of how it has kept them safe."

Merlin knew it to be true, but this was the first time he had seriously thought of it as a big, solid obstacle. Till today, all he'd thought about helping bringing Magic back to camelot was the first step, which had been making Arthur himself realize it to be the right and just thing to do. He had never really thought of how to actually _do_ it. And now, these very problems were staring them right in the face.

"How do we do that?" 

Before he could really think about that, Gwaine said with a shrug, "Then we tell them about Merlin." 

"What!?" Percival asked with confusion, Gwen and Gaius with outraged astonishment, and Merlin himself with stunned horror. 

Gwaine placatingly raised a hand. "I didn't mean it that way! We tell them about all the ways he has saved Camelot and its people with magic. They don't need to know who did it, just that magic has done as much good as it has caused harm."

Gaius turned to him."And how do you suggest we do it? We can't very well have the Queen of Camelot announce it to them. It’s the sort of thing that gets questioned, and it wouldn’t help win over the court." Everyone made a face at that. As annoying and frustrating it was, it was also necessary for the Queen to have the Council on her side.. 

Gwaine was still grinning. "I know, Gaius. And that's where my plan comes in. Percival, tell us what the soldiers have been instructed about the sorcerer who more or less won us the battle in Camalann." he said, smirking at Merlin from across the table. 

Percival answered, "Firstly, they don't really understand what happened there that day......but they do believe that it was Magic that saved them. But they have been very silent about it. I've not heard a single mention of it in the lower town this entire month."

Gwaine carried on."Well yes, in light of the recent changes, the soldiers would barely be in any state to casually begin such rumors. And well, that's what I am proposing. We let the people know of this by good ol' gossip." 

Merlin stared incredulously, processing all that he said. And going by the tilt of her head, so was Gwen. Gwaine added reassuringly, "Don't worry, I know just the right people to drop hints to to get the rumors flying. "

Merlin couldn't help but huff out an amazed laugh at that with Percival, while Gaius looked on drily and Gwen smilingly. 

"What do you say to that, Gaius?" she asked. 

"Well, however......unconventional....... it may be, I think it could work. I don't see any harm in trying." 

Merlin said, "The source of the rumor has to be something solid though. The people mustn't dismiss it as just idle gossip, it has to be convincing." 

Gwaine winked. "Leave that to me."

Gwen seemed to ponder this deeply, staring down at the table. Then she looked up and said definitely,"Do it. It seems like a good way to know the general opinion on this issue. No harm in it." 

Gwaine reassured her. "My Lady, trust us. We’ll have it done" he said as he patted Percival's back. Then his expression dimmed a bit and got more serious. "One more important thing. What about getting the council to agree?" 

These words settled over the small gathering like a dead weight. There were several noblemen on the council who were of the same opinions as Uther. Even excluding them, there were a number of other 'advisers' who still felt that having a woman-that too one of a 'low birth'-as Queen was absolutely wrong. She had demanded their respect over these few years as Queen, but hardly any of them would support her decision. Being Queen, Gwen could make the amendment even without any support from the council, but enforcing it would be impossible without its cooperation. Also, blatantly going against the council's decisions would just lead to more instability and insecurity. 

"I think the first thing we need to do is learn about it. There is a lot some of us are yet to understand fully, and amend laws without a complete understanding of the situation would have very bad repercussions. This is where Merlin comes in." She met his eyes, and he saw what she was asking of him. "Merlin, you know firsthand the many aspects of magic in Camelot. So does Gaius. Help us understand the situation better. I am asking you to guide us in building the foundations of restoring magic to Camelot. We can turn the vote of the Council only when we thoroughly know what we are talking about. And you are the only people I trust in this matter as of now. "

Well. This was a far cry from being the King's servant and discreetly saving his arse. Merlin looked at Gaius. He was looking right back at Merlin. His eyes reflected the very thoughts passing through Merlin's own mind. This was closer than he had ever been to achieving his destiny, reviving Magic in Camelot, in Albion. But this wasn't how he had ever seen It happen. He had only ever visualized it in one way: Arthur, The Once and Future King, himself bringing together the Five Kingdoms, and beginning a new age of Magic in these lands after years of darkness and unjust atrocities. And he, Merlin, at his side, helping and looking after him as always. It was meant to be _their_ destiny. 

Merlin looked to Gwen. A person who at the very core of her being was kind, caring and loyal. A person who could be as firm and fierce in doing the right thing as they were kind. A person who was so strong that facing even the worst things just made her kinder than ever, stronger than ever. He saw a Queen who wanted to do what was long overdue for justice in the land. 

Destiny had intended him to help Arthur re-establish Magic. 

_Each person writes his or her own destiny_. 

_All you have to do is follow your heart._

His heart told him now, that destiny or not, this Queen was as deserving of his love and loyalty as The Once And Future King. 

"I'll be glad to, if you'll have me." Merlin may not have noticed it then, but he was smiling quietly. 

Gwen reached out and clasped his hand in hers. "Thank you.", she said. The heartfelt happiness and gratitude of these words warmed Merlin right to his core. He returned her smile and squeezed back reassuringly. 

The moment was broken by Percival sneezing so hard that the entire table shook from the force of it. It felt like the loudest thing he’d ever heard. As everyone at the table jumped a considerable distance into the air, Gwaine was already reaching for his handkerchief with one hand (the other was comfortingly patting Percival's back). 

Accepting the handkerchief and doing his best to wipe his nose with poise befitting a Knight, Percival said, "Sorry. Got a bit of a cold from all the wind." 

With a worried look on her face, Gwen replied, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realize you were unwell, otherwise I would've planned this little meeting after you'd had a chance to recuperate from the journey."

Percival sat up straight, and declared (with his nose now as red as a tomato) "It's no pro- --ahh--AAACCCHHHHHOOO!!!" 

Gwaine rolled his eyes. "Get your stupid head into a warm bath, you idiot!" 

Gaius added, "Well, it's sound advice for a cold. You may also need some decongestants to help you sleep." 

Parcival barely had a chance to object, as Gwen decided "Well, we all have things that need doing. Let's end this here for today. We'll meet as much as possible, and begin our discussions. Thank you for coming. And Percival, please rest."

As Merlin walked back to their Chambers with the other three, Gwaine was pointedly ignoring Percival's insistence that there was no need for any 'recuperation', it was just a cold, and was requesting Gaius to get him an impressive list of remedies for cold. Honestly, Merlin felt a little sorry for Gaius, who looked rather harassed by now. 

Gwaine, loaded with an incredible amount of stuff from Gaius' stash of medicines, soon dragged Percival away to rest. Merlin laughed. "Honestly, I’m pretty sure Percival's just gonna get worse when Gwaine tries every single remedy at once." 

Gaius huffed. "Probably. But we, my boy, don't have the luxury of being pampered. It's just about time for Lady Westworth's dose, and you have the honour of taking it to her."

Well, _some_ things really hadn't changed at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am shit at writing Perwaine, but that dosent mean I won't try. (my sincere apologies)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our fav babie dragon is here!!!!
> 
> Also, this one's longer to make up for the last two :)

It was two weeks later Merlin went in search of Aithusa. 

Taking the day off was no issue; the real problem was convincing Gwaine not to tag along. Merlin didn’t want to start their reacquaintance with Dragonspeak, and there was no telling how she would react to company. He didn’t know how she’d react to anything, and that was totally on him. 

And that’s how he found himself tromping through the woods, relying solely on his intuition to lead the way to the young dragon. It was no surprise he was heading deeper into the wilderness with each step; dragons were creatures of endless green and open skies and freedom. Barely five years old, and two of those spent in a dark hole all alone. Well, not alone. With Morgana. She had obeyed Morgana without hesitation and stayed by her side, and there was very little that could keep a Dragon somewhere they didn’t want to be. 

Merlin’s pace picked up with the pace of his heart as his magic thrummed stronger. His feet moved not over fallen leaves and twigs and soil and earth but towards Aithusa, closer than the step before. The trees thinned till he emerged in a clearing. Merlin froze.

He was at Avalon.

It was a beautiful, sunny day, and it felt so wrong because all he could think of was how grey and bleak and hollow it had been the last time. He had wept and lost so much on these banks. The melancholy was fresh, and Merlin took a step back before he spotted her. 

Aithusa was curled on the bank, face tucked into her tail and facing the lake. She was so still and quiet for a dragon her size, she blended in perfectly. All of a sudden, Merlin knew why she was here. She was waiting.

He could walk away. She hadn’t noticed him yet, and would probably let him alone even if she did. He could find her sometime else, someplace else. And that meant leaving her now. But… he couldn’t, really. Not when he knew what it was to be lonely. To wait for someone who may not come back at all. 

He approached slowly, and Aithusa noticed him only when he was a few meters away. In a flash, she unfurled and shrank back, wings half spread and ready to take to the sky in an instant. When she shrieked, Merlin raised his hands, palms facing outwards. “It’s okay. I won't harm you. I promise.”

She remained still, blue eyes wide and scared as Merlin inched closer. “Do you remember me, Aithusa?” There was no reply, but her wings lowered slowly onto her back. That was all the encouragement he needed. 

“My name is Merlin. And you are Aithusa, right?” She snorted in reply. “I have something for you.” Moving slowly, Merlin pulled out a piece of chicken - one of many he had in his satchel. “Do you want some?” 

Aithusa didn’t come any closer, eyes less suspicious and more curious than before, and fixed the offering. He took another step, and she didn’t try to burn him to a crisp. So he took another, and another till they were barely an arm’s length between them. He set the piece down, and took a step back. Faster than he could see, Aithusa snapped it up and chewed noisily. That was a good reception if there ever was one. Merlin emptied the rest of the chicken onto the ground between them, and sat down cross legged while Aithusa scarfed it all down. He had never got the chance to discuss draconian eating habits with Kilgharrah, but looked like chicken was a big yes. 

Aithusa’s white scales were dull in the sunlight. She looked dreadfully thin compared to how she was just weeks ago. He was no expert, but her wings were weak and in need of proper help; burning rage flared up in him as he understood it was because of being shut up in a small pit for years of growth. Had Morgana kept her well-fed all this time? Could she hunt? Hell, Merlin wasn’t even sure if she had ever learnt to talk. He turned towards the lake, putting his back to Aithusa and praying she wouldn’t fry him instantly. The only way to earn her trust was showing she had his already. 

The sound of Aithusa chomping down ceased and Merlin felt her wary gaze on his back. For several long moments, the only noise was the gentle breeze rustling the leaves and the things that called the woods home going about their lives. Then the dragon shifted and inched closer, till she was beside him. Without any ceremony, she once again curled up beside him, just as she had been before. 

“Look at us.” Merlin exhaled slowly. “Waiting for people who are so far gone.” 

She chirped sadly, and looked up at him with those wide blue eyes so full of innocent hurt. Morgana had still known to care for and love her; more than bitter hate and pain were put to an end when he had killed her.

“Oh!” He almost startled and spoiled everything when Aithusa nudged his arm with her head. What was he expected to do? When she pushed again, he lifted it and Aithusa lay her snout on his knee. He couldn’t help but smile. “Friendly, are we?” She huffed. Did she actually understand what he was saying or did he have to teach her the language? Tentatively, he rested a palm on her scaly head. She didn’t move away. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come for you earlier.” 

She shifted closer, and Merlin felt the mass of her tail curling on his other side. 

“I promise I won’t leave. Ever.”

*********

About two months had passed since Merlin's return to Camelot. He had gradually developed a routine. Get up at dawn everyday and, after eating and the morning ablutions, head up to Gwen’s rooms. It was the only time they had together, except for the 'meetings' (Gaius was surprisingly cranky in the mornings and prefered to get started on his work by himself, without 'clumsy hands messing up the beginning of his day'). 

He knocked at the door to her Chambers, and went in when he heard the distracted 'come in'. She was already ready for the day, and was poring over some speech or other while demolishing breakfast. Cook had told him she hadn’t been eating well before. But the past couple of weeks, her appetite had returned with a vengeance, as though making up for the month of not looking well enough after herself. She was gaining back her energy and healthy colour, thanks to Merlin fussing over her like a mother hen whenever she skipped a meal or had too little sleep. 

There had been a few more of their quiet meetings, and they made definite progress. Talking to anyone other than Gaius about Magic took getting used to, but he was easing into it. 

Gwaine's idea of spreading rumours had worked like a wonder. Magic in Camelot was the talk of the entire city, the kingdom. Nearly a third of the nobles and Court members ( mostly consisting of those who had been loyal to Uther) were outraged by such 'insinuations'. The remaining two thirds, (most if not all of whom had been included during Arthur’s reign), were more open in thinking of the implications of these rumours. Some of them seemed unsure of it, and others believed that credit was to be given where it was deserved, and that using magic to help them was not something they were against. There was hope that change could really begin.

The most baffling was the people's reactions. There was hardly any outrage, just a lot of discussion and speculation. As Gaius had said, many people were aware firsthand of the good that magic could do. There were many whose loved ones had been executed under Uther's rule for practicing sorcery. They remembered the lives it had helped save, that the atrocities that Uther had committed were worse than anything a sorcerer had ever done. 

Several members of the court had raised this topic, mostly the pompous nobles who were against it. They demanded that the Queen do something to put an end to this nonsense . But Gwen handled their delicate egos and placated them well enough without actually compromising on her methods. 

"What are you smiling about this fine morning, great warlock?" Gwen asked teasingly, serving herself a generous helping of the sausages. 

"Oh, nothing. Just that I serve one fabulous Queen. Also, you should give Cook a raise. She's been working double time to keep you fed!" 

She gave him a dry look. "Well, being the Queen of Camelot takes a lot of fuel, Merlin. It's not something that can be done by the weak stomached."

"Good thing, then. Yours is lead lined." 

She hefted a chunk of bread threateningly,but went no further. 

"What, no flinging the bread at me?" 

"That would just result in a food fight, which I absolutely do not have the time for. I just got dressed." 

Oh, Merlin missed the food fights. Arthur was always too busy and pompous to ever participate. It wasn't really their thing, though. It was a Merlin and Gwen thing, food fights. She always won, though Merlin never quite understood how a person won a food fight.

"We should plan one sometime." he said laughingly. 

Gwen polished off the last of her meal. "Speaking of plans, do you have any for today? I was thinking the five of us could meet sometime in the morning, about, you know..." she worried her lower lip between her teeth. "I can't really fit it in any other time today." 

"I can't do it today, or even tomorrow for that matter.” Merlin sighed. “Gaius needs a night blooming flower that grows only a half a day's ride from here, and blooms at midnight. It's a bit urgent, for the outbreak in the lower town." 

He had Gwen's full attention now. "You'll be gone till when?" 

"Probably back by lunch tomorrow. I'm starting off earlier than necessary, in case of unprecedented delays.

"Alright........ journey safely Merlin. Wait!" she called out as he walked towards the door. "Are you going all by yourself? For so long?" 

"Yeah.....don't worry, Gwen. I'm fully capable of handling myself. I have magic.”

Gwen raised her brows. "You, Merlin, are fully capable of tripping over a root in the woods and knocking yourself out." 

"That happened a long time ago! I'll be fine, you just do your thing." Gwen looked far from convinced, but let him leave without any more objections. 

An hour later saw Merlin readying his horse for the trip. He was just testing whether or not his bags were securely tied on, when he spotted someone riding towards him.

It was Gwaine. 

"What are you doing here!? Aren't you supposed to recommence your training from tomorrow? You really ought to rest , instead of romping about." 

Dazzling Merlin with his trademark grin, Gwaine hopped off the horse gracefully. "A little birdie told me you were off on a day long trip all by yourself." An accusatory eyebrow was raised. 

Merlin, however, remained unaffected; this was nothing compared to Gaius' eyebrow. He raised his own as he asked, "This little birdie wouldn't happen to be the Queen, would it?" 

"Maybe. Doesn't really matter though. It's decided, I'm coming with you." 

Merlin groaned. It's not that he didn't want company. He would love some company, especially Gwaine's. But Gwaine was supposed to be recovering. And if Gaius ever found out, he would have both their heads.He said as much to Gwaine.

"Don't worry, mate.” He thumped Merlin’s back. “Gaius gave me his blessings. I have my methods," he said enigmatically, in response to Merlin's suspicious frown. "And as far as staying safe goes, I'm going with you, the greatest warlock on earth! What do I have to fear?"

Merlin looked at him drily, but soon succumbed to the glowing grin and the puppy eyes (really, Gwaine and Percival could probably puppy-eye their way out of any complication ever.). 

Their journey was all easy conversation, ridiculous jokes, and some comfortable silence. Merlin caught glimpses of a figure in the air trailing after them for a little while in between, and had to reassure the wary Gwaine that it was just his Dragon. Aithusa was too shy to reveal herself and too curious to stay put. She still hadn’t said a word, but was much more active the last few weeks. Whenever he ventured into the woods, Merlin was sure to have company. 

They reached the destination at dusk, and Aithusa had flitted off long ago (much to Gwaine’s disappointment). They set up camp nearby the valley.

Merlin was setting up for a warm fire for the night when, out of the blue, Gwaine asked,“Why did you never tell me about your Magic? Before I figured it out, of course.” 

He had really hoped Gwaine wouldn’t ask, because…. “You have no idea how tempting it was. But I didn’t want to put you at any risk, or need to make a difficult choice-”

“It wouldn’t have been difficult.” Gwaine huffed, and sat down beside Merlin. “I would never tell. Even if Princess found out and banished you, I would’ve come with you. Not before politely informing him that he was being a donkey’s arse.” 

Merlin tried to glare disapprovingly over the smile adamantly turning his lips. Speaking of Arthur didn’t initiate a breakdown nowadays, though if he lingered for more than a moment, it hurt. Merlin tried not to. 

“You know I trust you. The only reason I never told was to not endanger you.” 

“It’s time to make yourself a priority, at least in the top three of your list.” Gwaine sighed and patted his arm. “You’re too self-sacrificing for your own good.” 

Merlin wisely did not reply to that, and instead poked the fire with a stick. Gwaine looked a little tired. The draught Gaius had been supplying him with came to mind. “Sleeping better nowadays?” he asked.

"A bit.” Gwaine allowed the change of topic easily; he never had issues with talking things out, especially with Merlin. Gwaine held his gaze, and Merlin could feel him making his mind up. 

"All my life, even before I became a Knight, I could always rely on myself. I always knew my mind, even when I had drunk double my weight in mead." A dry chuckle. "But I don't know if I can have that anymore. Every memory, every thought, every concept got twisted beyond comprehension. Everything was dark, hateful, cruel. And when I finally told the witch what she wanted to hear, I gave it willingly. There was no thought in my mind by then, no feeling of loyalty to you or Arthur or Camelot."

Gwaine had once told Merlin about his father, whom he loved and looked up to more than anyone else. He had only seen Gwaine look this lost when he spoke of his passing. 

He went on. "The moment she released her hold, it all snapped back to place. And it realising what I'd done was probably the worst part." 

“It wasn’t you.” Merlin told him as firmly as he could. Gwaine was anything but hatred and cruelty and darkness. “You have a noble heart, and a kind one. I know who you are. You’re my friend.” 

Gwaine smiled, much softer than his usual grins. “Thank you, Merlin.” 

For several seconds, the only sound was crickets chirping and fire crackling till Gwaine moved back a little bit, a puzzled frown on his face.

"Hey, you're getting hotter."

Merlin looked at him, bewildered. Everyone knew that Gwaine had a tendency to flirt with basically everyone around him, but they were having a moment now!

Then Merlin registered a few things. First off, Gwaine looked genuinely confused. Secondly, Merlin remembered the evening being chilly, but now he didn't feel it at all. And thirdly, he could feel the magic thrum under his skin. 

Ever since his visit to the crystal cave before Camalann, his magic had felt even more a part of him than ever. He had to really focus on keeping it reigned in at times. Otherwise it tended to slip out and help him without him even consciously thinking, like it was right now. Gwaine pointed to him excitedly. "Your eyes go all shiny and gold........ Didn't notice that when you gave me the demo."

Merlin reined his Magic in once more, despite Gwaine’s complaints (they still were in Camelot, and unlikely though it was, anyone could happen to cross their camp.) Oh, it was chilly alright. Giving the fire a quick little boost till it warmed them well, Merlin pulled out their packed dinner while Gwaine stared up at the stars, sighing like a bloody furnace.

Merlin grinned deviously. “Missing someone?”

“Yeah, Percy and I started going on walks together after dinn-” Gwaine snapped his mouth shut. 

“That’s so romantic! I’m happy for you both.” Merlin said, enjoying watching him get flustered. 

“It’s just two friends - Gods, why do I even bother anymore.”, he groaned. “ You obviously know.” 

“Mmmhmm.”

He frowned mournfully from where he lay on the ground. “I can’t believe I am in love with that great old goof! Can you believe it, Merlin?”

“Can I? Do you not realise how obvious you two are? Who do you think you’re fooling?”

“Hold your unicorns, my friend.” Gwaine scrambled to prop himself up on his elbows. “What are you talking about?” 

“Um….” Merlin shrugged. Gwaine looked genuinely confused. “You and Percival going moony-eyed at each other everyday?” 

The bug-eyed, obviously shocked expression on Gwaine’s face, priceless as it was, set Merlin on edge. Something weird was going on. 

“What do you mean, Percival going moony-eyed over me!?” 

_Oh boy_.

“Gwaine,” Merlin turned to one of the two most thick-headed knights he’d ever known. “Please don’t tell me you don’t know.” Gwaine was still gaping like a fish out of water. Gods, he didn’t know. How!?

Recovering his ability to talk, Gwaine sputtered, “You really think he likes me?” 

His voice was ridiculously small and incredulous, and Merlin felt his heart melt while his brain simultaneously facepalmed because of course Gwaine was an oblivious dumbass. And because Merlin himself was a sap, he was going to answer that. 

“You know, when Percy talks of his family, from before when he was a knight?” 

Gwaine smiled, almost wistfully. “I’ve never seen him happier than when he’s talking about them. He loves them so much, there is no place in his heart for grief."

Something twisted deep inside Merlin at the words. How beautiful it was, to love so wholly that it didn’t give loss a single chance to take root. How he wished he could be like that. “Well,” he told Gwaine, “That is exactly how he looks around you.” 

Gwaine broke into the widest smile ever, looking disbelieving and awed and delighted all at once. Realising he had been rendered speechless (for once), Merlin nudged him with a shoulder. “You two better talk to each other. Soon.” 

Gwaine nodded, the action too enigmatic to be a simple ‘yes’. That was his scheming face. “All in good time, Merlin.” 

******

They reached Camelot around midday the next day, with a sufficient stock of Gaius’s elusive flower. Much to their surprise, a stablehand rushed to help take away their horses upon arrival. Before Merlin could enquire as to what was wrong, a guard also approached hastily and relayed the message.

“The Queen requested your presence in her chambers, as soon as you arrived.”

“What’s it about?” Gwaine asked 

“I do not know, sire. Pardon me.”

They thanked him and hastened to Gwen’s room. Something about this felt- felt wrong. Once they reached, he flung the door open and barged in without even knocking. And-

“Ooof!" the sound punched out of Merlin as he collided head-on with Gwen, who had been pacing up and down the length of the room. She steadied him. “Careful, Merlin!” she scolded, and resumed pacing. “Something’s happened.” Gwaine had a questioning tilt to his head and Merlin looked to her to elaborate. 

She finally came to a halt by the table and said, “ Me and Gaius decided to keep it as quiet as possible. There has been a report of Magic being used in the lower town. A young girl. She instinctively acted to stop one of the stalls in the market from collapsing, and saved at least three lives in the process. But, by the Law, she was arrested and brought before me. We cannot let her get sentenced.”

Merlin sank into one of the chairs, imitating his own gut. This situation was exactly what they’d been dreading. Not sentencing the girl would mean Gwen had to defy the law of the land, which wouldn’t sit right, especially with a new ruler. On the other hand, damning her to a life in the dungeons or execution was worse than unjust. “What do you plan to do, then?” he asked .

She looked between the both of them, half determined and half anxious. “ Well, me and Gaius discussed it at length. Over the past few weeks, we have been readying the kingdom and the system for the change. I....I think we should set our plans in motion. We shall hold Council tomorrow morning, and start. Legalise the use of magic.”

For a moment, Merlin couldn’t breathe. This change was a massive one, and reached way beyond simply changing a law. They were attempting to change the entire order of a kingdom. They had already started, by weeding out irresponsible and corrupt who had been clinging onto authority only by their titles and making sure that those in charge of maintaining order in various parts of the kingdom were capable people who would understand the change, or at least not stir up a mess. 

Yet, alarm and nerves and anticipation stirred a cacophony in his head. “Are we ready for that?”

Gwen sighed and shook her head. “No matter how long we prepare, I doubt if we’ll ever feel ready. I think.... we’re as good to go as we’ll ever be.”

Gwaine considered a moment before nodding, then turned to Merlin with a brow raised in question. 

It was time to set things in motion, but a huge part of Merlin was terrified of failing. The consequences could be terrible. Gwen could lose the position and respect she had garnered by fighting for years in just a moment. The law could stay. 

But change had to begin somewhere. And whatever happened, they would always be by his side. 

“Let’s do it, then.” 

Gwen said, "Well, till tomorrow, we must make sure the girl is treated well; we can't have her locked up in the dungeons. I'll have Leon transfer her to one of the spare servant's quarters for the night. We also need to tell Percival...... He was with Leon, helping to keep the story from spreading too much." Gwaine wandered off to fetch them both.

Merlin and Gwen sat alone, lost in thought. There was wistfulness in Gwen's eyes as she smiled. "I wonder what Arthur would make of this." She sighed, leaning forward and running a hand over her face. “He....despite some obvious things he didn’t do, it’s not easy to live up to his rule. He was a good King.” 

Merlin smiled quietly in response. Arthur wouldn't possibly have thought of restoring magic to Camelot, but he wouldn’t have let the girl be punished for what she did either. This was one of the situations where Merlin could've seen Arthur overcoming the resistance to accepting magic, which had been planted deep in his bones thanks to Uther, little by little. 

Merlin knew that both he and Gwen felt his loss deeper than ever for a moment. 

Then came a knock on the door, followed by Leon and Percival who looked as exhausted and anxious as everyone else. Gwen promptly sent Leon off with his orders (the man had an infinite reserve for patience and trust. While he recognized the strange nature of his task, and looked naturally puzzled by it, he unquestioningly did it.) Percival received the news of tomorrow's council meeting with greater enthusiasm than expected, wishing them all the best with a wide, reassuring smile and absolutely confident of their success. Gods, Merlin wished he felt that optimistic about tomorrow.

Everything would change, for better or for worse. Merlin lay in bed, not even thinking of trying to sleep, waiting for the sun to rise. For the beginning of the day that was going to shape history. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be more of Aithusa, I promise.
> 
> Leave a kudos or a comment if you like :D


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know very little about how politics work, and have probably done a lot of dumb things. But considering the fact that BBC Merlin was full of single-braincelled people (except Gwen, of course), please forgive any nonsensical bits.

It was a bright, sunny morning, with beams of sunlight streaming through the tall windows of the Chamber. Merlin watched as the council members arrived. He’d barely eaten in the morning, thanks to his nerves. Gwen looked more collected than he felt, that was a small reassurance. She’d spent the whole night preparing for any eventuality.   


He couldn't help but speculate what stand each one would take at the end of today's discussions. They were filing in at a steady pace, and everyone was seated within a few minutes. Several questioning glances were cast at the chair that was left vacant beside the Queen's. 

A hushed silence fell over them as She stood up. Gwen was wearing a simply-cut gown of red, and the thin band of Ruby-studded gold was on her brow. Every time she was at the round table, she chose to wear it instead of the Queen's Crown- to maintain the formality and decorum, but at the same time show that nobody was lesser or greater than another at this Table. 

She began, voice clear and firm. "I am aware many of you wonder why we are here today. So I shall begin by stating the purpose of today's council. I would like to propose a change in the laws of our land." 

A moment’s pause as her gaze passed briefly over the assembly. Merlin held his breath. 

"To decriminalise the use of Magic in Camelot." 

Merlin’s insides were doing really weird things now. As the news sank in, everyone's face was a mask of shock

"This is preposterous. Do you think it a joking matter, Milady?", screeched Lord Arcliffe, quite literally jumping out of his seat. Gwen quelled with him with a single scalding look. "Lord Arcliffe, you are expected to present yourself with a modicum of decency and respect in this court. This is definitely no joking mat-"

"It is an outrage! These are evidently the words of an inexperienced and impulsive ruler. This is against the very -

Leon cut him off mid sentence (that was new), his mouth set in a grim line. "My Lords, it is unwise to make such statements without even listening to what the Queen intends to say." The tone of his voice, along with the forbidding looks Gwaine and Percival wore, induced immediate silence over the table. Gwen resumed.

"For over three decades, Camelot has shunned the practice of Magic, irrespective of what it is used for. This kingdom is built on justice, and yet such injustice has gone unheeded all these years. It is time we stopped fearing that which we do not understand. Its time we stopped thinking of Magic as evil."

"Magic shall be made a part of Camelot. As you are all aware, ever since the reign of King Arthur, this Council has been representative of the people of the kingdom. Thus, it is part of my proposition to include those who practice magic as a part of it."

There was another collective wave of shock through those at the table, but when another outburst didn't follow, she continued. "Gaius, Geoffrey, Lady Nysta, you have studied and used magic before it was outlawed. We will need you, now more than ever. There is one other, however, who is more than deserving of a seat at the table.” Merlin tried his best not to fidget. “I am sure you have all witnessed or at least heard of the sorcerer who won us the battle at Camlann. That was hardly the first instance of him keeping this land safe. For over ten years, he has done everything in his power and beyond to protect Camelot and its King."

The instant she said '10 years ', Leon's eyes widened. His gaze immediately shifted to Merlin, and his expression was enough. He figured it out, in literally a second. Not knowing how to react, he offered an awkward smile till a still baffled Leon looked back to Gwen to focus on what she was saying. Merlin mentally shook himself, and did the same.

"-and he is with us today." That was Merlin's cue. As the room filled with murmurs and whispers, he stepped out of the shadows and walked up to her side. "You all must know him well enough by now. Merlin has been a part of the castle’s household for over a decade now. He is the one I speak of. If actions speak louder than words, then he deserves to be here as much as any of you. Maybe even more so." she added, casting the briefest of glances at some select Nobility. "Now, if anyone wishes to voice their thoughts on this, I ask you do so in a manner appropriate for the Court."

Sir Richard, one of the most experienced of the Knights (and also being of noble birth, coincidentally), stood up."My Lady, are you quite sure of what you are proposing? Less that two months ago, our late king was killed in the war against sorcery. And now you wish to revive this vile practice?" What was on his face could only be called a sneer.

Gwaine and Percival openly eyed him as though he were some disgusting thing that had just crawled out of a gutter; they just barely managed to act civil around Sir Richard, who had always looked down on them due to the lack of 'nobility' in their lineage. Hearing him speak now seemed to have disgusted them enough to make no attempt of politeness any longer.

Gwen, however, schooled her features into a mask of calm and replied without a second of hesitation. " You are much mistaken if you think the war was waged against magic, Sir. It was to end a threat that had long hung over Camelot. It was against those who abused their capabilities and harmed this Kingdom."

"Do you mean to say Magic is not the cause for all that evil? That the power of magic is not what corrupted them in the first place?" Lady Diane asked. Her tone was a great contrast to Sir Richard's. It wasn't a challenge, but a genuine question. 

"I think this is a question someone else could answer better than me." 

It took Merlin a moment to realise that Gwen - along with everyone else - was looking at him, waiting. Shifting slightly on his feet, he tried to pull it together. "Ahem. Well… Magic...... it just is. It is but a tool in the hands of the wielder. Say someone were to attack you with a sword. You would blame them for their deed, not the weapon. It could have been used to defend lives as well as take them; what matters is the heart of the one who uses it." The queasiness of addressing an assembly faded as the words flowed more easily. "As for the hatred sorcerers have directed towards this Kingdom in the past years, including most of the people we fought at Camlann, they have done wrong things. Some have committed unspeakable atrocities. But it stems from the terrors they had to suffer during the Purge. It is the same prejudice against magic and unfair persecution of it’s wielders that started this in the first place. If we are to end it, accepting Magic as a part of our world is the only way."

This was when Lord Arcliffe decided to interject once more."What you call a solution is just a way of enabling those.......those sorcerers to do whatever they want!" he spat out the word "sorcerers" in a way that had Gaius give him the eyebrow, and Merlin clench his jaw in an effort to not call him colourful names, since they had decided to handle such quarrel-mongers as politely and diplomatically as possible. It was quite a challenge for Merlin, and even Gwaine was visibly struggling not to lash out. 

Gwen, however, maintained the peace. "You have clearly not been paying attention, Sir. I haven’t proposed that we give all magic wielders the right to do anything they want. I just intend to treat them the same as we would anyone else. If they commit a crime, they will be accordingly punished, exactly as any person would. The punishment will fit the crime."

Spluttering in outrage, yet having nothing to say, Lord Arcliffe assumed his seat again. Merlin took the moment of quiet that followed as a chance to try and read the room. Nearly half of them seemed to be earnestly listening to and understanding every sentence. There were, of course, several people looking quite undecided and others whose attitude radiated mulish outrage. Merlin met Gaius' eyes, and gave him a small smile. The reaction was almost better than what Gwaine's gossip survey had led them to think.

Of course, someone just had to choose that exact moment to begin another argument. 

Lord Gerald more or less jumped out of his chair. "My lady, your words make it evident that you are under some sort of enchantment!"

That drew a lot of dubious and incredulous looks. Leon's eyebrows were far up his brow, and Gwaine just rolled his eyes, as Percival eyed him disbelievingly. Unfazed, Lord Gerald went on. Turning to Merlin, he basically shouted. " You, sorcerer! This has to be your doing. An attempt to take over Camelot from the inside. You are twisting everyone's minds to your own advantage!" 

Merlin blinked, still processing the nonsense accusation. Gwaine glared daggers while Gaius directed one of the most fearsome eyebrow-raises.

"In that case, My Lord, I rather doubt you would be capable of making such insinuations." Lady Enid stated calmly. Gwen, whose calm had almost slipped by now, pressed her lips to suppress a smile as the Lord resumed his seat reluctantly. 

She then cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. 'I am aware that this is a radical change, and there is much to think and discuss before reaching a decision. Thus, the council is dismissed for now. We shall resume our session in the afternoon. Until then, feel free to talk and reflect on it."

Everyone scattered throughout the large chamber in several groups, debating or quarreling. All the knights were gathered around Leon, deep in discussion. Merlin heard Gwen sigh deeply from where she was standing, just beside him. Flashing her a smile, he said, "That went way better than any of us had expected it to. Finely handled, My Queen."

"The real test will be the decision reached upon by the council at the end of today. But yes, the reception went better than what I expected......oh, here comes Leon. Looks like he has some good news for us."

"Indeed I do, My Lady." Leon said as he approached them. "I have talked with the Knights, and we all stand by your decision. That is, all except Sirs Richard and Westworth.” He winced as he said their names. “If I may....... Several of us have hoped long for this change to occur, but never thought we would actually witness it." 

"Thank you, Leon. The trust and support of the knights, especially you, means a lot ."

"My Lady, I am quite sure I've given ample proof of my faith when I trusted you to smuggle me out of Camelot in a dress." Leon added with a resigned sigh. Gwen almost snorted with laughter at the sudden reminder, as Merlin looked from one to the other in outrage. "Why haven't I heard of this before now!?" 

Just then, Gwaine and Percival came over to them. "My lady, the Lords Arcliffe and Gerald are stirring up a hornet's nest." Gwen exhaled sharply. "Well, we better pay them a visit then." She strode away with a grim set to her lips, Gwaine and Percival following behind.

"I almost feel sorry for those pompous arses. 'Almost' being the key word." Merlin told Leon. He didn't even admonish him for the language, and returned a small smile.

"So. A sorcerer, huh?" 

Merlin looked at him sheepishly. He had nearly forgotten that Leon had only just found out. Yet, his demeanour remained as familiar and at ease as always. 

"Well, it is.....surprising. It explains a lot. Like how healthy branches always were more than ready to conveniently fall at just the right moment. How you always managed to get a fire started, no matter how bad the weather. Your abnormally good tracking skills, of lately." When he put it like that, it did seem quite obvious.

Putting a hand on his shoulder, Leon looked at him with a serious air now. "Thank you Merlin. For all the times you've kept us safe. "

"Thank you for understanding why I didn't tell you. "

"I can't help but wonder how many times we have taken the credit for your doings." 

"Well, it's quite the list. Hmmm........... Oh, remember the Great Dragon that attacked Camelot? Arthur never killed it; I sent it away. It was the last of its kind.”

Leon frowned. “But I thought only Dragonlords are capable of ordering a dragon.”

Merlin bit his lip. “You thought right.” 

Leon gaped for a few seconds. "We'll, is…..something." He had never looked as bewildered as he did now. Poor Leon, he wasn’t really good with surprises. It would just take him some time to adjust. But in his current high spirits, Merlin’s greatfullness soon turned into mischief. "Remember the old warlock, Dragoon ? The one you unsuccessfully tried to take captive?" 

"Uh.... Oh yes. Of course. Why do you ask? Do you know him?" 

Merlin barely managed to rein in his grin. "I guess one could say that." Leon continued to eye him, with a hint of suspicion. Then, the second time today, his eyes bugged out as he figured it out. "Oh gods." He suddenly frowned, stern and serious. “Merlin. Did you kill the late king!?”

Shit! “No!” Merlin exclaimed, thankful that Leon had the sense to keep his voice low. “I really did try to save him, but Morgana had planted this locket on him that messed up the spell, and-” He broke off, gesturing vaguely. “It was a whole thing. I’ll tell you properly once this is over.” 

“Ah. I see.” His puzzled look indicated he very much did not see, but it was gratifying to know he still believed Merlin’s words. 

“Why did you Save Uther?"

Merlin stared. This was the last thing he'd expected the Knight to ask. Leon took a deep breath and said, “I mean, he unjustly harmed your kind. I’m assuming what Morgause told Arthur was true,” Merln nodded, and he went on. “So why did you never kill him? End it?”

Leon actually asking him about this was.......well, surprising was an understatement. Merlin paused for a minute before answering.

“For Arthur."

Leon nodded, and Merlin had to say no more to be understood. 

Taking a moment to process this, Leon said, "I was having some trouble seeing you as a sorcerer, but now that I recollect the Great Dragoon, I have no troubles on that front." he said drily. Merlin snorted. Only those close to Leon got to see this side of him; he had quite the sly humour behind his proper and formal demeanour. 

"Leon, I have to ask. What is the story behind Gwen putting you in dresses? How did she even get one long enough for you!?" 

“I have to admit, never considered that. As for the story...... "

A few minutes later (before the story was told entirely, much to his chagrin) Merlin was drawn into one of the many groups, answering questions and doing his best to resolve nasty arguments or accusations. Diplomacy was excruciating. 

This went on for a solid couple of hours (exhausting ones) after which the council was seated at the table once more. This time, as he stood awkwardly beside Gwen at the table, she gestured to him to occupy the empty seat to her left, with a small smile. 

With a deep breath, he obliged.

Several glares were directed at that, but the beaming, proud smiles on their little group’s faces more than made up for it. And he felt that maybe, just maybe, he could do this. 

  


*****

The argument (calling it a discussion anymore was just a falsehood) went on for hours. By the end of it, Merlin wanted to punch something. He could sense the magic thrumming in his veins, and had to take deep calming breaths to keep going. It was frustrating, how many people blatantly refused to see sense or listen to reason.

Everyone looked weary. Gwen and Leon remained as patient as ever, but Merlin knew them well enough to see they were close to the end of their tether too. Gwaine seemed dangerously close to attacking the next bigoted nobleman. In a total contrast to him, all the jibes, insults and prejudiced arguments seemed to roll off of Percival like water off a duck’s back. He was the very image of placidity, saying his bit and not letting anything get to him. Merlin envied his calm.

Merlin almost sighed in relief and slumped in his chair when the council was called to order. He could feel the beginnings of the headache induced by what could only be called a shouting match between Lady Enid and Lord Garret (though it was wonderful to see others defend Magic as enthusiastically as Merlin himself did). 

Now, it was time to vote. Tension coiled tight in Merlin's gut once more. The air was pregnant with anticipation. This was the moment of truth, which decided the fate of Magic in Camelot. With everyone's eyes on her, Gwen commenced. "It is time now to put the motion to a vote. First, Those against the legalisation of Magic." 

Merlin held his breath, and could feel Percival and Gwen do the same on either side of him. Few hands shot up immediately - Lord Arcliffe, Lord Garret, Lady Dresien and Sir Richard among them. Some more followed tentatively. Merlin’s breath caught;barely a third of the hands were up. But it would be of no use if many of the others abstained.

"And those for it?" 

The anticipatory silence of the room weighed down as he raised his hand. And one by one, others followed till almost two-thirds of the people around the Round Table had their hands in the air. 

Magic was no longer outlawed in Camelot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HAPPENED AAAAA
> 
> I headcannon that Arthur would have included more commoners with less biased views in the governance and at the table once he became King.
> 
> Leave a Kudos or a comment if you like :) :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know very little about how politics work, and have probably done a lot of dumb things. But considering the fact that BBC Merlin was full of single-braincelled people (except Gwen, of course), please forgive any nonsensical bits.

It was a bright, sunny morning, with beams of sunlight streaming through the tall windows of the Chamber. Merlin watched as the council members arrived. He’d barely eaten in the morning, thanks to his nerves. Gwen looked more collected than he felt, that was a small reassurance. She’d spent the whole night preparing for any eventuality. 

He couldn't help but speculate what stand each one would take at the end of today's discussions. They were filing in at a steady pace, and everyone was seated within a few minutes. Several questioning glances were cast at the chair that was left vacant beside the Queen's. 

A hushed silence fell over them as She stood up. Gwen was wearing a simply-cut gown of red, and the thin band of Ruby-studded gold was on her brow. Every time she was at the round table, she chose to wear it instead of the Queen's Crown- to maintain the formality and decorum, but at the same time show that nobody was lesser or greater than another at this Table. 

She began, voice clear and firm. "I am aware many of you wonder why we are here today. So I shall begin by stating the purpose of today's council. I would like to propose a change in the laws of our land." 

A moment’s pause as her gaze passed briefly over the assembly. Merlin held his breath. 

"To decriminalise the use of Magic in Camelot." 

Merlin’s insides were doing really weird things now. As the news sank in, everyone's face was a mask of shock

"This is preposterous. Do you think it a joking matter, Milady?", screeched Lord Arcliffe, quite literally jumping out of his seat. Gwen quelled with him with a single scalding look. "Lord Arcliffe, you are expected to present yourself with a modicum of decency and respect in this court. This is definitely no joking mat-"

"It is an outrage! These are evidently the words of an inexperienced and impulsive ruler. This is against the very -

Leon cut him off mid sentence (that was new), his mouth set in a grim line. "My Lords, it is unwise to make such statements without even listening to what the Queen intends to say." The tone of his voice, along with the forbidding looks Gwaine and Percival wore, induced immediate silence over the table. Gwen resumed.

"For over three decades, Camelot has shunned the practice of Magic, irrespective of what it is used for. This kingdom is built on justice, and yet such injustice has gone unheeded all these years. It is time we stopped fearing that which we do not understand. Its time we stopped thinking of Magic as evil."

"Magic shall be made a part of Camelot. As you are all aware, ever since the reign of King Arthur, this Council has been representative of the people of the kingdom. Thus, it is part of my proposition to include those who practice magic as a part of it."

There was another collective wave of shock through those at the table, but when another outburst didn't follow, she continued. "Gaius, Geoffrey, Lady Nysta, you have studied and used magic before it was outlawed. We will need you, now more than ever. There is one other, however, who is more than deserving of a seat at the table.” Merlin tried his best not to fidget. “I am sure you have all witnessed or at least heard of the sorcerer who won us the battle at Camlann. That was hardly the first instance of him keeping this land safe. For over ten years, he has done everything in his power and beyond to protect Camelot and its King."

The instant she said '10 years ', Leon's eyes widened. His gaze immediately shifted to Merlin, and his expression was enough. He figured it out, in literally a second. Not knowing how to react, he offered an awkward smile till a still baffled Leon looked back to Gwen to focus on what she was saying. Merlin mentally shook himself, and did the same.

"-and he is with us today." That was Merlin's cue. As the room filled with murmurs and whispers, he stepped out of the shadows and walked up to her side. "You all must know him well enough by now. Merlin has been a part of the castle’s household for over a decade now. He is the one I speak of. If actions speak louder than words, then he deserves to be here as much as any of you. Maybe even more so." she added, casting the briefest of glances at some select Nobility. "Now, if anyone wishes to voice their thoughts on this, I ask you do so in a manner appropriate for the Court."

Sir Richard, one of the most experienced of the Knights (and also being of noble birth, coincidentally), stood up."My Lady, are you quite sure of what you are proposing? Less that two months ago, our late king was killed in the war against sorcery. And now you wish to revive this vile practice?" What was on his face could only be called a sneer.

Gwaine and Percival openly eyed him as though he were some disgusting thing that had just crawled out of a gutter; they just barely managed to act civil around Sir Richard, who had always looked down on them due to the lack of 'nobility' in their lineage. Hearing him speak now seemed to have disgusted them enough to make no attempt of politeness any longer.

Gwen, however, schooled her features into a mask of calm and replied without a second of hesitation. " You are much mistaken if you think the war was waged against magic, Sir. It was to end a threat that had long hung over Camelot. It was against those who abused their capabilities and harmed this Kingdom."

"Do you mean to say Magic is not the cause for all that evil? That the power of magic is not what corrupted them in the first place?" Lady Diane asked. Her tone was a great contrast to Sir Richard's. It wasn't a challenge, but a genuine question. 

"I think this is a question someone else could answer better than me." 

It took Merlin a moment to realise that Gwen - along with everyone else - was looking at him, waiting. Shifting slightly on his feet, he tried to pull it together. "Ahem. Well… Magic...... it just is. It is but a tool in the hands of the wielder. Say someone were to attack you with a sword. You would blame them for their deed, not the weapon. It could have been used to defend lives as well as take them; what matters is the heart of the one who uses it." The queasiness of addressing an assembly faded as the words flowed more easily. "As for the hatred sorcerers have directed towards this Kingdom in the past years, including most of the people we fought at Camlann, they have done wrong things. Some have committed unspeakable atrocities. But it stems from the terrors they had to suffer during the Purge. It is the same prejudice against magic and unfair persecution of it’s wielders that started this in the first place. If we are to end it, accepting Magic as a part of our world is the only way."

This was when Lord Arcliffe decided to interject once more."What you call a solution is just a way of enabling those.......those sorcerers to do whatever they want!" he spat out the word "sorcerers" in a way that had Gaius give him the eyebrow, and Merlin clench his jaw in an effort to not call him colourful names, since they had decided to handle such quarrel-mongers as politely and diplomatically as possible. It was quite a challenge for Merlin, and even Gwaine was visibly struggling not to lash out. 

Gwen, however, maintained the peace. "You have clearly not been paying attention, Sir. I haven’t proposed that we give all magic wielders the right to do anything they want. I just intend to treat them the same as we would anyone else. If they commit a crime, they will be accordingly punished, exactly as any person would. The punishment will fit the crime."

Spluttering in outrage, yet having nothing to say, Lord Arcliffe assumed his seat again. Merlin took the moment of quiet that followed as a chance to try and read the room. Nearly half of them seemed to be earnestly listening to and understanding every sentence. There were, of course, several people looking quite undecided and others whose attitude radiated mulish outrage. Merlin met Gaius' eyes, and gave him a small smile. The reaction was almost better than what Gwaine's gossip survey had led them to think.

Of course, someone just had to choose that exact moment to begin another argument. 

Lord Gerald more or less jumped out of his chair. "My lady, your words make it evident that you are under some sort of enchantment!"

That drew a lot of dubious and incredulous looks. Leon's eyebrows were far up his brow, and Gwaine just rolled his eyes, as Percival eyed him disbelievingly. Unfazed, Lord Gerald went on. Turning to Merlin, he basically shouted. " You, sorcerer! This has to be your doing. An attempt to take over Camelot from the inside. You are twisting everyone's minds to your own advantage!" 

Merlin blinked, still processing the nonsense accusation. Gwaine glared daggers while Gaius directed one of the most fearsome eyebrow-raises.

"In that case, My Lord, I rather doubt you would be capable of making such insinuations." Lady Enid stated calmly. Gwen, whose calm had almost slipped by now, pressed her lips to suppress a smile as the Lord resumed his seat reluctantly. 

She then cleared her throat to get everyone's attention. 'I am aware that this is a radical change, and there is much to think and discuss before reaching a decision. Thus, the council is dismissed for now. We shall resume our session in the afternoon. Until then, feel free to talk and reflect on it."

Everyone scattered throughout the large chamber in several groups, debating or quarreling. All the knights were gathered around Leon, deep in discussion. Merlin heard Gwen sigh deeply from where she was standing, just beside him. Flashing her a smile, he said, "That went way better than any of us had expected it to. Finely handled, My Queen."

"The real test will be the decision reached upon by the council at the end of today. But yes, the reception went better than what I expected......oh, here comes Leon. Looks like he has some good news for us."

"Indeed I do, My Lady." Leon said as he approached them. "I have talked with the Knights, and we all stand by your decision. That is, all except Sirs Richard and Westworth.” He winced as he said their names. “If I may....... Several of us have hoped long for this change to occur, but never thought we would actually witness it." 

"Thank you, Leon. The trust and support of the knights, especially you, means a lot ."

"My Lady, I am quite sure I've given ample proof of my faith when I trusted you to smuggle me out of Camelot in a dress." Leon added with a resigned sigh. Gwen almost snorted with laughter at the sudden reminder, as Merlin looked from one to the other in outrage. "Why haven't I heard of this before now!?" 

Just then, Gwaine and Percival came over to them. "My lady, the Lords Arcliffe and Gerald are stirring up a hornet's nest." Gwen exhaled sharply. "Well, we better pay them a visit then." She strode away with a grim set to her lips, Gwaine and Percival following behind.

"I almost feel sorry for those pompous arses. 'Almost' being the key word." Merlin told Leon. He didn't even admonish him for the language, and returned a small smile.

"So. A sorcerer, huh?" 

Merlin looked at him sheepishly. He had nearly forgotten that Leon had only just found out. Yet, his demeanour remained as familiar and at ease as always. 

"Well, it is.....surprising. It explains a lot. Like how healthy branches always were more than ready to conveniently fall at just the right moment. How you always managed to get a fire started, no matter how bad the weather. Your abnormally good tracking skills, of lately." When he put it like that, it did seem quite obvious.

Putting a hand on his shoulder, Leon looked at him with a serious air now. "Thank you Merlin. For all the times you've kept us safe. "

"Thank you for understanding why I didn't tell you. "

"I can't help but wonder how many times we have taken the credit for your doings." 

"Well, it's quite the list. Hmmm........... Oh, remember the Great Dragon that attacked Camelot? Arthur never killed it; I sent it away. It was the last of its kind.”

Leon frowned. “But I thought only Dragonlords are capable of ordering a dragon.”

Merlin bit his lip. “You thought right.” 

Leon gaped for a few seconds. "We'll, is…..something." He had never looked as bewildered as he did now. Poor Leon, he wasn’t really good with surprises. It would just take him some time to adjust. But in his current high spirits, Merlin’s greatfullness soon turned into mischief. "Remember the old warlock, Dragoon ? The one you unsuccessfully tried to take captive?" 

"Uh.... Oh yes. Of course. Why do you ask? Do you know him?" 

Merlin barely managed to rein in his grin. "I guess one could say that." Leon continued to eye him, with a hint of suspicion. Then, the second time today, his eyes bugged out as he figured it out. "Oh gods." He suddenly frowned, stern and serious. “Merlin. Did you kill the late king!?”

Shit! “No!” Merlin exclaimed, thankful that Leon had the sense to keep his voice low. “I really did try to save him, but Morgana had planted this locket on him that messed up the spell, and-” He broke off, gesturing vaguely. “It was a whole thing. I’ll tell you properly once this is over.” 

“Ah. I see.” His puzzled look indicated he very much did not see, but it was gratifying to know he still believed Merlin’s words. 

“Why did you Save Uther?"

Merlin stared. This was the last thing he'd expected the Knight to ask. Leon took a deep breath and said, “I mean, he unjustly harmed your kind. I’m assuming what Morgause told Arthur was true,” Merln nodded, and he went on. “So why did you never kill him? End it?”

Leon actually asking him about this was.......well, surprising was an understatement. Merlin paused for a minute before answering.

“For Arthur."

Leon nodded, and Merlin had to say no more to be understood. 

Taking a moment to process this, Leon said, "I was having some trouble seeing you as a sorcerer, but now that I recollect the Great Dragoon, I have no troubles on that front." he said drily. Merlin snorted. Only those close to Leon got to see this side of him; he had quite the sly humour behind his proper and formal demeanour. 

"Leon, I have to ask. What is the story behind Gwen putting you in dresses? How did she even get one long enough for you!?" 

“I have to admit, never considered that. As for the story...... "

A few minutes later (before the story was told entirely, much to his chagrin) Merlin was drawn into one of the many groups, answering questions and doing his best to resolve nasty arguments or accusations. Diplomacy was excruciating. 

This went on for a solid couple of hours (exhausting ones) after which the council was seated at the table once more. This time, as he stood awkwardly beside Gwen at the table, she gestured to him to occupy the empty seat to her left, with a small smile. 

With a deep breath, he obliged.

Several glares were directed at that, but the beaming, proud smiles on their little group’s faces more than made up for it. And he felt that maybe, just maybe, he could do this. 

*****

The argument (calling it a discussion anymore was just a falsehood) went on for hours. By the end of it, Merlin wanted to punch something. He could sense the magic thrumming in his veins, and had to take deep calming breaths to keep going. It was frustrating, how many people blatantly refused to see sense or listen to reason.

Everyone looked weary. Gwen and Leon remained as patient as ever, but Merlin knew them well enough to see they were close to the end of their tether too. Gwaine seemed dangerously close to attacking the next bigoted nobleman. In a total contrast to him, all the jibes, insults and prejudiced arguments seemed to roll off of Percival like water off a duck’s back. He was the very image of placidity, saying his bit and not letting anything get to him. Merlin envied his calm.

Merlin almost sighed in relief and slumped in his chair when the council was called to order. He could feel the beginnings of the headache induced by what could only be called a shouting match between Lady Enid and Lord Garret (though it was wonderful to see others defend Magic as enthusiastically as Merlin himself did). 

Now, it was time to vote. Tension coiled tight in Merlin's gut once more. The air was pregnant with anticipation. This was the moment of truth, which decided the fate of Magic in Camelot. With everyone's eyes on her, Gwen commenced. "It is time now to put the motion to a vote. First, Those against the legalisation of Magic." 

Merlin held his breath, and could feel Percival and Gwen do the same on either side of him. Few hands shot up immediately - Lord Arcliffe, Lord Garret, Lady Dresien and Sir Richard among them. Some more followed tentatively. Merlin’s breath caught;barely a third of the hands were up. But it would be of no use if many of the others abstained.

"And those for it?" 

The anticipatory silence of the room weighed down as he raised his hand. And one by one, others followed till almost two-thirds of the people around the Round Table had their hands in the air. 

Magic was no longer outlawed in Camelot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S HAPPENED AAAAA
> 
> I headcannon that Arthur would have included more commoners with less biased views in the governance and at the table once he became King.
> 
> Leave a Kudos or a comment if you like :) :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the Aithusa content I promised in the tags (though not all of it! There's more!).

Merlin was dimly aware of the room, the hum of overlapping voices, the people. It all felt so far away from what had just happened.

Magic was to be restored to Camelot. 

The enormity of it wasn’t quite sinking in. Hopes of achieving this had risen and crashed again and again and again. It had always ended in hurt, in wondering that maybe the next time he broke, he couldn’t piece together again. He hadn’t let himself hope once more, but here they were.  Camelot was free. _He_ was free _.  _

“Merlin?” 

He focused on the voice. Sometime between the verdict and now, everyone had left except for their little group, now with the addition of Leon. Gwen was beside him, half-smiling and half-concerned. “Are you alright?”

“We did it.”

“We did it.” Her smile put the sun to shame, and Merlin found himself returning it. The dazed surprise slowly receded and  _ they had actually succeeded.  _ It had felt impossible till it wasn’t. Gwen took his arm and stood up, taking him with her. “I think congratulations are in order!”

“Well done, my boy.” Even Gaius was beaming, and barely had time to get the words out before the knights were onto them. Merlin could not ever remember getting his hair ruffled and back thumped more than in this moment. 

“Told you the plan would work!” 

“Leon! Next time you start writing a report about the weather after patrol, I’m getting Merlin to turn you into a toad.” 

“A celebration!” Gwaine wedged himself between Merlin and Gwen, and threw an arm around their shoulders. “What we need is a party, My Queen.” 

“This is not the time or place for revelry, Sir Gwaine.” Gwen spoke with a straight face, eyes shining with quiet mirth, and ducked out from his grip. “There is much to be done and undone, and we are yet to change the laws officially. Once it is done, we’ll have a banquet to celebrate our success, as well as the newest member of Camelot’s council.” 

Predictably enough, Gwaine visibly drooped, as did Percival in solidarity with him. Giving the disappointed Gwaine a reassuring pat to the shoulder, Merlin followed as Gwen strode towards the main door. The amount of paperwork involved in changing a law was wearisome, and Merlin had promised to assist. He probably had to, considering his brand-new promotion. Then there was also the matter of addressing the people of the kingdom and  _ oh gods _ did the thought leave him giddy. 

As they stepped out the door, Gwen called to the others over her shoulder, “And clear up your evening. We’ll meet in the tavern.”

**********

“This is the most tiresome thing I’ve ever done.”

Gwen fixed a decidedly dismayed eye on the sheaf of parchment piled on the table between them. “Welcome to life as a member of the Round Table.”

_ This is necessary. This will legalise the practice of magic in Camelot,  _ his brain said. 

_ This is giving me a headache,  _ the head replied. 

“Can I resign?” He whined, and received a pillow to the face. “I resign. Consider this,” he threw the pillow back. “my two weeks’ notice.” Catching the offending object before it landed on its mark, Gwen shook her head firmly. “Afraid not. You’re too deep to escape now.” 

It was really impressive how efficiently paperwork could dampen joy. Gods, his neck was stiff. Merlin’s eyes passed over the same clause for the hundredth time, comprehending as little as before. Considering Gwen’s own vaguely distressed frown, she felt the same. 

“Arthur never had this much paperwork.” The words came out more accusatory than he’d intended. 

Gwen let her quill drop to the table and propped her chin in her hands. “Arthur never had to legalise Magic in Camelot.”

“What would he think? Of us, of all this.” Merlin waved towards the papers. “Is his ghost in Avalon right now, looking on in horror?” He said it lightly, though the question was real. A decade of thinking Arthur would be here right beside them now, stoically soldiering through the papers faster and with more experience than either of them, was not easy to let go. Was he indeed looking on in disapproval, like Uther’s spirit had looked upon him? It was a depressing thought. 

“Hey.” Her voice called him back to the present. “He would be proud of us. Of  _ you _ .” 

He looked up with a sigh.

“Oh, don’t give me that look. If he had known everything, nothing could have stopped him from setting things right.” She spoke with a certainty Merlin doubted he could ever have. “You know as well as me that however stubborn he may be, he was above all a good man. He would never have let people suffer once he understood the facts, Merlin.”

“You really think so?” 

“I  _ know _ so.” 

An unwelcome tightness pressed on his heart all of a sudden. Maybe it had always been there these past few months. He didn’t really notice Gwen move till an arm wrapped around him from the back and pulled him into a tight hug. “Arthur’s ghost is in Avalon, smug as a cat, watching us do his share of the paperwork.”, she told him. A smile reluctantly made its way onto his face. “Can’t let him stay smug.” 

“And that is why we are taking a break.” She squeezed him tighter for a second before letting go. “We’re going to the tavern. The sight of me in there with all his knights ought to scandalize his spirit sufficiently.” 

Merlin had to admit, the Scandalized Spirit of Arthur Pendragon was quite a wonderful image. 

“Let’s go.”

*******

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Merlin asked them one last time, and got a bunch of eye-rolls and ‘oh gods!’ in response from everyone except Leon, who was the only one looking suitably anxious about meeting an actual Dragon. Shy as she was, Aithusa was very at-home around Merlin. As she grew older and bigger, she had to know how to conduct herself around other people, though she may live in the wilderness. This was for the best. But considering the plan was made while all of them were in the tavern last week, Merlin felt his repeated questioning was warranted. 

“If you feel Aithusa isn’t ready for this, we can do it later. But we have no qualms.” Gwen said with a reassuring smile. Leon, though he didn’t say anything, looked a little like he begged to differ with the latter half of that sentence. 

Merlin looked towards the clearing at the edge of which they were standing presently. Not only could he use Magic freely now, but the change of laws meant that Aithusa also didn’t have to live in hiding anymore. And he wanted her to get used to being around people, if the situation arose. 

With a deep breath, Merlin determinedly stepped into the clearing. It was the same one he’d met Kilgharrah in so many times. It wasn’t the best idea to introduce the Great Dragon, especially since Gwen would probably turn into a ball of passive-aggressive, scathing comments, and Gwaine would outright attack him. Understandable, but despite everything, Merlin had an inexplicable soft spot for the old dragon. So Aithusa It was.

As Gwen and the knights lingered at the fringe of the clearing, Merlin called to Aithusa. Not in dragonspeak, but in the common tongue; Aithusa somehow always seemed to know when he was in the woods, and commanding such a young one to do anything didn’t sit right in the heart. For a few beats, there was silence. Then, with a loud  _ whoosh _ , Aithusa landed in the clearing with all the grace one would expect of a five-year-old. 

She huffed and squeaked in greeting, as always. “Hey. What have you been up to?” They hadn’t caught up in a few days, thanks to his new workload. As usual, she did not say a word in response, but flapped her wings and fixed her blue gaze on the edge of the clearing behind him cautiously, where the others were waiting for their cue. 

“Remember I told you about my friends?” They talked a lot whenever they met. Well, Merlin talked while Aithusa took it all in with wide eyes and sometimes even responded with an assortment of grunts and squeaks and rumbled he’d learnt to decipher with time. The particular cock of the head she gave now was a curious gesture. “Would you like to meet them?” 

She looked between Merlin and the group with narrowed, considering eyes. Merlin patted her side reassuringly. “You don’t have to if you don't want to.” 

A deep rumble came from Aithusa, her wings shifted on her back; Merlin beamed in return and waved to the distant group to come over. He ran a hand up and down her long neck in a way that calmed her whenever she was nervous. She remained still except for a tentative shuffling of her great wings.

They approached slowly and steadily as Merlin had told them to, and stopped a few meters away. Leon warily stood a little further away, and really, who could blame him? His last encounter with a Dragon had not been pleasant, after all. 

“Guys, this Aithusa.” Her tail moved agitatedly at her mention. “Aithusa, This is Gwaine, Percival, Leon and Gwen.” He pointed to each of them, and they waved on cue. She regarded the humans before her with an equal measure of wonder and curiosity as they watched her. For a few seconds, nobody moved, tense and waiting. Merlin was ready to throw up a shield between them and Aithusa at the slightest indication of-

Aithusa cocked her head towards Gwen and said, “Gwennie?”

Merlin’s brain screeched to a halt. 

“Gwennie.” Aithusa repeated proudly, and nudged a flabbergasted Gwen with her head. 

“Oh gods.” Merlin gasped. “That’s your first word!”

“That’s her first word!?” Gwen and Leon echoed, in delight and confusion respectively. 

“You are the smartest dragon ever.” Merlin cooed and tried to throw his arms around her, but the fact that she was a dragon was a little counterproductive to that. Aithusa being the considerate creature she was, curled around him instead. Then Gwaine laughed, and the excitement was too much for the already hyped up Dragon. She unfurled and flapped a few feet away, alternating between chirping and saying her new word over and over again. 

Once calmed enough to actually sit down, she looked back and forth between Merlin and Gwen for a few seconds before settling her head in Gwen’s lap (much to her smug delight) and curling her tail around Merlin as a consolation. “Traitor.” he accused her, and only got a dismissive huff in return. 

The woods around them thrived with nature and magic; the line between the two had always been blurred for him. His own power pulsed warmly, truly free after so long. Percival sat beside Gwen, petting and trying to get Aithusa to say his name as well while Gwaine foraged in the tree-line for gods know what

“This was a good idea.” Merlin looked up at Leon who lowered himself to the ground near him, trying to not look too nervous about Aithusa’s scaly tail. “We all needed a break, and they seem to be getting along very well.” 

“And you?” 

“I- aah.” Leon froze as her tail shifted, and brushed against him. “It might take a little while yet.” he said with a slightly nervous chuckle. He looked towards Aithusa’s other end, where Gwaine was currently weaving a flower crown and Aithusa watched in utter fascination as it took shape. Smiling thoughtfully, Leon said, “She is a kind soul. Not like the other-” He cut himself off. “No offense, but i don’t think she is like the Great Dragon.”

Merlin snorted. “None taken. There are only so many enigmatic riddles one can handle.” 

Leon turned to him, brow pinched with concern. “Merlin, you do understand that-” He sighed, as though unsure how to continue. “I- you need not hesitate to use your magic anymore. I know my own wariness might make you feel otherwise, but as i said, it will take me some time to overcome something that I’ve been taught since childhood.” 

It was strange, how they had the same end of two different ropes. While Leon had lived so long being told of how corrupting Magic was, Merlin had spent nearly as long hiding it. “I know, Leon. Just as you’re overcoming old lessons, I need time to let go of old instincts. It’s not as easy to stop after such a long time.” Even now, his heart stopped for a second if someone walked in while he was using Magic, or if he did something with people present and aware of it. Old habits die hard, indeed. 

Leon looked miserable. “I have known you for over a decade, and never once noticed what you went through. I’ve been a neglectful friend. No, it’s the truth.” He protested as Merlin waved the words away.

“You had your own plate full of things to worry about, Leon.” 

“Say you! Nevertheless, I will do a better job of being a friend to you.” A slow and steady dread took root in Merlin at the hard determination in Leon’s voice. He had a sneaking suspicion that from now on, there would be a regular time set in Leon’s strict schedule marked exclusively for checking in on Merlin. As sweet as that was, Leon could be rather exhaustingly relentless at times. 

A commotion from the general direction of Aithusa’s head put an end to their conversation. Percival and Gwen, crowned with a flower crown each, were gaping at the charred remains of a bigger circle of blossoms Gwaine held. From the very depths of despair, Aithusa whined the one word she knew. “Gwennie!” 

Oh lord. “Flowers aren’t fireproof, we talked about this.” Merlin told her. She turned her head and fixed him with wide eyes, the paragon of innocence. He was raising a goddamn drama queen. 

“Don’t give me that look. You’re the only one who breathes fire here.” 

“Gwennie?” 

“That’s a no. She’s human.” 

With a shift of her wings not unlike a shrug, Aithusa settled down once more as Gwaine dusted off the burnt bits of flower and patted her snout. “Don’t listen to the big bad sorcerer. Gwen is a Dragon. A Pendragon!”

Gwen collapsed into laughter as Percival shook his head. “That was terrible.” 

“Hey, humour the man who makes you flower crowns, Perce. Also, that was a Royal pun.” 

Everyone groaned at that one. The prospect of Aithusa picking up puns was a real and terrifying one. Merlin made a point of levitating his bag and nailing Gwaine in the head. He dodged, not even pausing in his argument with Percival. Leon sighed with pure resignation. Aithusa was a mass of warmth behind Merlin, and his magic danced with the gentle wind. He had to go over some things with Lady Nysta after they got back home, and check in on Gaius, who had a new apprentice from the town. 

Surprisingly enough, life was good. 

He wished Arthur were here too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!! Leave a kudos or a comment if you like :):):)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this is an angsty one. And it's a bit short, but I really didn't want to drag it too much or add anything else. Hope you enjoy wallowing in the feels.

Merlin woke with a gasp. 

It wasn’t quite dawn yet, the calm was broken only by the crickets chirping and the dull murmur of conversation floating up from the guards on duty. All seemed still, with the exception of his heart, which fluttered uneasily. And his magic, whose relentless pulsing had set his fingertips tingling. 

Somehow, he understood instantly. Throwing off the covers and scrambling off the bed (comfier Chambers and bed came with the promotion, apparently), Merlin grabbed a cloak from the closet and threw it on, not bothering to change. As he dashed out the room, he caught his own reflection in the mirror. A pair of molten gold eyes stared back. 

Worry wormed itself deeper as he went where his magic indicated. Careful to muffle his movements with an enchantment, Merlin found his steps leading out the castle and into the woods. Though he didn't not know where they would lead him to, he knew who.

Kilgharrah.

He had wanted to call the Great Dragon to him many times. It had been six months since Magic had been legalised, and if there was anyone who deserved to know it was Kilgharrah. But then he thought of how tired the Dragon had been at their last encounter. The heartbreak of losing Arthur had been all he could think of then, but the Dragonlord in him had felt how weary the old dragon was. Kilgharrah had himself admitted he wouldn’t be around much longer, and Merlin knew the big ol’ lizard was too proud to accept any sympathy or help. 

So Merlin waited. Every time he was in the woods, travelling or training with Aithusa, he’d kept an ear out for the boom of those immense wings beating, but in vain. And now, this- whatever this was. Was this how a dragon summoned it’s dragonlord? Honestly, he would have expected something more dramatic, like a roar that freaked out the entire town, or a random blast of fire into the sky. Maybe even a Dragon perched on the topmost turrets of the Castle. 

The sky was turning grey with the dawning day, and the fallen leaves crunched under his feet as he stepped out of the trees and into a clearing. And in the middle of it sat the Great Dragon.

“I was starting to think you were not coming, young warlock.”

Now that he was closer, Merlin could see the droop of the dragon’s wings, like it was exhausting to hold them on his back. His normally bright, bronze scales were dulled, making him blend right in with the autumn woods. However, those golden eyes remained as bright as ever.

“What’s wrong?” Merlin demanded, rushing forward. He knew what it was, the Dragon had told him months ago. Yet, he asked because maybe, just maybe it was something else. Something that could be fixed. 

"Nothing you can help with, Merlin.” Kilgharrah’s voice had a gentleness Merlin had rarely witnessed. “You have done enough--no, more than enough--for this old soul. Now, my end draws near." 

"Yeah? You've said that before. You.... You were weakening. You had some time, though. And for a dragon, 'some time' is quite long, isn't it?" His heart sank, weighed down with the miserable certainty that his words were just a feeble, last ditch attempt at hoping for more time. 

"Not as long as you seem to have thought. Now, There is something I have to tell you before it is too late." 

Merlin could feel the prickling at the back of his eyes. Another goodbye felt like more than he could bear now. But the dragon's words made him think. "What is it, a prophecy? A new destiny?" as he spoke, he felt a mildly bitter smile twist his mouth. 

Kilgharrah appeared to note it. "No. I think I have forsaken any right to do that anymore." 

Merlin "What are you saying? All you've done is to help me along my destiny. To make happen what was meant to be."

"Yes. To fulfill destiny.” The dragon heaved a great sigh. “Young warlock, I have said this many times before. You are the most powerful sorcerer to have ever existed. Magic is infused in you, but even without it you are your own person. But I? I am made of it. I would not exist without it, and all that it entails - destiny, prophecy. I have to believe, as I always have, in what makes me. I am confined by it. With this narrow mind, I have aided you, thinking what was best for the future of Magic."

It’s alright. Merlin wanted to say You did what you could, as did I. But he couldn’t speak over the lump in his throat as Kilgharrah went on. 

"I know the pain and loss you suffered firsthand. I could feel everything you did, the first few weeks after...... After our last meeting.” The Dragon’s voice lowered even more. “It was already too late, but for once it made me think of something other than fulfilling destiny. All that you blame yourself for, I could trace back to my own ill-fated advice. For that, I ask you to forgive me."

The only sound for a long time was the mild whooshing of the wind, and the rustling of leaves behind him. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Merlin walked closer, now standing right under the head of the Great Dragon, never once looking away. .

Kilgharrah continued, "I give you one last suggestion, young warlock. Not the advice of an old, bitter creature for once, but a request from someone who really cares for you. Do not let destiny rule you. The world can look after itself. You have betrayed what you believe in, gone against your own heart, so many times. Enough, Merlin. Do not let any talk of prophecy or destiny decide your actions, lest you end up a wretched creature like me."

Merlin was so close, he could feel the Dragon's warmth radiating, intensifying. Never before had Kilgharrah sounded this kind. Merlin looked straight into those golden eyes, now filled with sorrow and guilt. "You know, when I was with my mum, a few months back. She said something similar. She told me to follow my heart, Whatever I may be facing."

A deep, weak chuckle. "Well, then your Mother seems to be the wisest of us all." 

At a complete loss of words, Merlin just stood there. He had to take what time was left. Processing what was said would take time, and he would do that. But his last moments with the dragon wouldn't come again. 

Once again, Kilgharrah broke the quiet. "I cannot hope to rectify all that has gone wrong. But I can still do my best, a feeble attempt to satisfy my own guilt. You must have discovered by now, that you are immortal." 

Merlin nodded. He had known it in his bones, ever since the visit to the Crystal Cave right before Camlann. He hadn't dared to think of it for more than a fleeting instant.

"It is a lonely way to live. I have lived over a millennia. To see the ones you love slip away from you..... Their lives are fleeting. Time and time again, you will face this. You must be brave, as you are. And I wish to use the last of my magic for you."

Even with the last of his breaths, the Dragon couldn't stop with the cryptic riddles. "What do you mean? " Merlin managed to ask.

“You will find out soon enough. Head to The Lake Of Avalon."

See? As bewildering as ever 

"But now, this is goodbye."

The words echoed in Merlin's mind. “I- I’ll miss you.” Merlin managed to say. Through his tear-blurred eyes, he heard Kilgharrah laugh gently. “Do not mourn me too deeply, Merlin. I have lived a long, full life. I never had the fortune of being raised by a Dragonlord as kind hearted as you, but I am proud to have known you. Be proud of what you have done, Merlin.”

He lowered his head till Merlin’s palm could rest on the tough leather of his snout. Memorising the warmth under his fingers forever, he uttered a parting prayer for the one who had led him to his destiny. A pulse of ancient, potent magic coursed through him, as the dragon put the last of his magic to use. 

Nearly choking on the words, Merlin leaned his own forehead against Kilgharrah's snout. "Goodbye, dear friend." 

“Goodbye, young warlock.” 

Merlin pressed his eyes shut and the tears coursed down his face, hot and silent as the Great Dragon’s last words floated away in the gentle morning breeze.

Merlin opened his eyes.

Spots of gentle, golden light surrounded him till a gust of wind scattered them to the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :'(
> 
> I know Hunith and Gwen have both given Merlin the talk about following his heart instead of prophecy, but it just felt right to have Kilgharrah say it to him too. (Aslo, Hunith is definitely smarter than them all ;))
> 
> Leave a comment or Kudos if you like :)


	13. Chapter 13

The sun was rising on the horizon by the time Merlin composed himself into a slightly more collected mess. He should get back to Camelot before he was missed, really. Gaius would be waiting for their lessons, and there was a lot to go over for the meeting that afternoon. 

He couldn’t do either of those things in his current state, and he didn’t want to talk to anyone now. But he couldn’t stay here either. 

_ And I wish to use the last of my magic for you. _

_ Head to The Lake Of Avalon. _

With a deep breath, Merlin let the sounds of the waking forest calm him. His Magic thrummed and helped gather his bearings. Avalon was not too far away, even on foot.  Picking himself off the damp ground, Merlin determinedly wiped the tears away and headed into the trees once more.

*********

He was almost through the line of trees bordering the Lake, and felt nothing. There was no hint of the tremendous amount of magic that Kirgharrah released just minutes ago. How powerful did something have to be to absorb it  _ all _ ? A shiver crept up his spine at the thought.

Even right on the grassy bank, he sensed nothing. Aithusa- she had found him a little while after he had set off to Avalon, and must have sensed his grief because she was way more subdued than she usually was - cocked her head curiously and asked, “Merlin?” 

Merlin eyed everything around him with equal parts of anticipation and suspicion. “I don’t know, Aithusa. We’ll just have to-” 

He instinctively stepped closer to her as she startled, and the wind picked up all of a sudden. Whooshing all through the glade, it’s force knocked him to the ground before he could throw up a shield. He scrambled to get back on his feet, just as the ripples started. Huge ripples, spreading out from somewhere in the lake, perfectly synchronized. The air around them seemed to shimmer; the lake’s magic thrummed and pulsed. In a beat, Aithusa’s great wings had cocooned both of them protectively. But the intensity of power built till the once shimmering air now glowed, whiter and brighter every second, penetrating through the wall of Aithusa’s wings. 

Shutting his eyes against the glare, he tried feeling out the surroundings with his magic. But it just seemed reluctant to leave him and venture into the older, more powerful magic of the lake that saturated the space around them.

As he sat , eyes shut and huddled up against the wind, it all died down with a long, lingering sight. He snapped his eyes open, and saw nothing but dancing spots for several moments. Blinking and shaking her head, Aithusa unfurled her wings. 

Merlin noticed a lone figure standing at the bank. Was this what Kilgharrah talked of, or something else entirely? Was it enemy or foe? Ah, only if those damn _ spots _ cleared up, he could get a good look -

He stared, and then blinked. And then blinked some more. Because what he saw couldn’t be possible. And yet, there was no mistaking the figure approaching him.

It was Freya.

Stumbling past the very confused Aithusa, he approached her till they were facing one another. Hesitantly, he stretched out his hand. Freya smiled and took it, squeezing as though to reassure him of her presence. 

“You’re here. You’re.......real.” 

“In the flesh.” She smiled a little wider.

“But......But...”  _ How? _

“Thank the Dragon’s magic. I’m still the spirit of the lake, just more tangible. And, apparently able to move outside the river to an extent.” 

She was real. She was  _ here _ . Spirit or not, there was no denying the life in her eyes. She was as real the person he’d tried so hard to spare, but had failed. 

“I thought I’d never see you again.” She muttered. 

“I- Me neither.” A startled laugh escaped him. “So you can come out here now, anytime you want?”

She tilted her head, eyes dancing with amusement. “Well, not  _ anytime. _ I don’t just float about being all mystical in Avalon. I'm the one who guides every destined spirit to the Realm of Avalon, beyond death. "

Merlin could feel his heart pick up pace."Every spirit.......... that means, you've met Arthur. After......" Merlin choked off, unable to mention it. 

Freya's features softened as she cupped his cheek. The light in her eyes dimmed, replaced by something deep and so very sad. "Yes. Arthur is fine. Trust me to guard him till his time comes. And he will come back, you know. I have no way of knowing when or how, but he will."

A small smile on his face, Merlin clasped her hand. "Thank you." 

"It's my duty Merlin. Also.........I'm sorry." Her voice was weighed down with sorrow. "I'm sorry for everything you had to go through." Her beautiful brown eyes were wide, shining with compassion. If anyone could come close to understanding, it was her. 

"I was.......lost for a while. But now I have friends who know me for who I am. I don't have to hide any longer. I get to live freely. I think I'm doing reasonably well.”

She laughed, and Merlin hugged her close. The last time he’d held her- no. stopping that train thought immediately, he committed  _ this _ moment to his memory. She was cool to touch, as though it was the water of the Lake that ran in her veins instead of blood. It really wasn’t as creepy as it sounded. In fact, the contrast of her against his warm magic was soothing. 

“I missed you.”, she whispered. 

“I missed you too.” 

“I missed you!” Aithusa chirped loudly from behind them, deciding she had not been sufficiently acknowledged for long enough. As Freya noticed her and gasped, Merlin shook his head. “Freya, meet Aithusa. And Aithusa, use your words.”

Aithusa lumbered closer and fixed her bright blue eyes on Freya, before greeting her cheerfully. “Hooligan!” 

“It’s  _ hello _ , not  _ hooligan  _ and you  _ know _ it. Did Gwaine teach you that?!” This pair was going to haunt his nightmares forever. Freya, however, bit her lip and waved to the dragon with mirth dancing in her eyes. “Hooligan to you too.” 

Delighted at finding another kindred spirit, Aithusa flapped into the air and circled them in excitement. “Freya! Freya!” Halfway through the third round, something in the woods caught her eye and off she shot like an arrow into the woods. More likely a patch of interesting looking flowers than food.

“Hm. Didn’t realise you were the parent who made everyone eat their greens.” Freya muttered, and Merlin sighed. “Every day, I find myself turning into my mum around her.” _Not that it was a bad thing, though.  
_

“I’ll be the fun one, don’t worry.”

Freya had never smiled fully during their first encounter, in Camelot. But now she did, and she did it with her entire being. Her fingers rested lightly on his cheek, and Merlin leaned into the touch. When she kissed him, Merlin thought for the first time in a very long time, that he was very lucky indeed. 

********

Merlin knocked on the door and strode in, setting the meal down and plopping into a chair. 

"I'll be just a minute," Gwen said, sitting cross legged in the middle of her bed, scribbling away at her speech.

"It's perfect, Gwen. Stop fussing! Even Leon approves. That's basically a guarantee it's impeccable!"

"....... you're right. I'm done with this, then."

She settled down in a seat beside Merlin's and dug into her plate with gusto. Ordinarily, it would be fair to say Merlin was pretty fond of food. But today, he just pushed it about on his plate. It wasn't long before Gwen sighed and asked, "Out with it. What's on your mind?"

"Well....... You know what next week is."

Everyone did. It was the first anniversary of Arthur's passing. All of Camelot had been a bit subdued since the last few days. There was an air of sorrow and loss about them, but it was no longer the heart wrenching grief of last year. A bittersweet ache that came from remembering the man they loved and respected, maybe more than anyone else.

Gwen swallowed her mouthful and nodded. She wasn't as animated as she had been a moment ago. "Go on, what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking - and this is just a suggestion, feel free to shoot it down- we could maybe visit Avalon that day. Just the two of us, take half a day off and head out. Reminisce. Talk. Just........ remember him? I know we do that everyday, one way or another. But.... just think about it. "

After a few moments of silence, she said softly,"I'm sorry, Merlin. I can't do it."

Merlin swallowed his disappointment; it wasn't easy, he knew firsthand. He had hoped that her company would make it easier, but he couldn't rush her.

"It's alright, no need to apologise. You-"

"We should go the day after." There was a sly twinkle in her eyes; muted, but still present. Merlin narrowed his eyes in disapproval. She was right, though. It was, after all, the first anniversary, and there would be many formalities to be taken care of. She would be too caught up in them to ride out for half the day.

"Alright. The day after. I'll pack us a picnic lunch. Clear you schedules, your highness."

"The same goes for you, Magic Fingers." Merlin rolled his eyes at the nickname ; honestly, he found it very lacking, but Gwen refused to budge. Before he could protest for the umpteenth time, Gwen perked up considerably. 

"Hey. Does that mean I finally get to meet Freya?" 

"Yeah. Well, probably. She can't manage to pop up always; busy job, ferrying souls across realms." 

"You have the most wonderful friends, Merlin." 

"That I do." 

*************

Merlin and Gwen were astride their steeds, cantering through the woods side by side. It was a beautiful day; the sun was bright, and its warmth welcome against the slightly chilly breeze. The woods were as full of life as always. They tied their steeds near a patch of grass perfect to graze on. Settling down with the large blanket and a full basket, they both settled down by the Lake. 

The silence was easy, companionable. Merlin sighed, "There are so many times I feel his absence. Something happens, and I always think 'oh, he would've got absolutely annoyed', or 'he would've loved this' ." 

"It doesn't always hurt though, does it." Gwen's voice was soft. "I think that way too, but it doesn't tear me apart like it used to. That would make him pretty happy, don't you think?" Merlin gave a lopsided grin as a thought crossed his mind. "Remember the young prat I heroically mouthed off with over a decade ago? Imagine what he would say if he saw us today." 

Gwen rolled her eyes, but that didn't hide the smile. "He really was a prat then." Merlin nudged her. "You made him a better person." 

"Well, I can't take all the credit. He was lucky to have us." 

"And we him."

She just smiled.

Just then, Merlin noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. A familiar figure approached along the bank. Gwen squinted against the sun just as Merlin was."Who's that?" Merlin couldn't help but grin as he waved at the approaching person. Or, more appropriately, spirit. 

"Freya." 

Gwen perked up instantly, sitting up straight. Merlin was pretty excited himself ; two of his favourite people were meeting, after all. As she came over, Merlin moved to make place on their blanket. She took it graciously, and had barely enough time to offer a mere 'Hello' before being greeted by a very enthusiastic Gwen.  Needless to say, they got along like wildfire. 

“- still got that hideous dress stashed away somewhere. Merlin, you will demonstrate your feminine wiles for us, right?” 

“I should never have told you.” Merlin groaned, as Freya smacked his shoulder a bit too hard, laughing so hard that she’d gone mute. Gwen, the relentless fiend, opened her mouth to sail straight onto the next embarrassing adventure and Merlin prepared to turn into a bird and fly away, when the bush rustled behind them. 

They stilled instantly. The noise came again, this time about ten feet to the left, and Merlin put an impenetrable wall between them and the trees as Gwen simultaneously pulled a knife from her boot. No creature in the forest was this large, or stealthy enough to come this close before being noticed- 

...dammit. 

With a muttered curse, Merlin lowered the shield. “I know it’s you, Aithusa.”

Sure enough, a previously invisible large white head poked through the canopy. “I came closer this time!” How she managed to not startle away the birds would remain a mystery. Also-

“Are you  _ on _ a tree!?” He knew for a fact she wasn’t yet taller than the trees. 

Gwen replaced the knife with a chuckle as Aithusa went under and came out of the woods. “You did! Soon enough, you’ll be going on missions! The best spy in Camelot.” 

Before Merlin could firmly let it be known that she would do  _ nothing of the sort,  _ the woods were alive with the sounds of people rushing through. A moment later, Leon, Gwaine and Percival appeared. 

“She already  _ is _ the best spy in Camelot!” Gwaine declared, brushing leaves off his and Percival’s cloaks. “Or we would never have known about your secret picnics!” 

Leon frowned in puzzlement. “But it was  _ you _ who saw Merlin packing the basket.”

Aithusa’s wings drooped and wide eyes settled forlorny on Gwaine, who shook his head at  Leon like ‘ _ Come on!’  _ as Percival placated her. “Don’t listen to Leon, he’s dumb.” 

“Hey!” 

They, including Aithusa, trooped onto and around the blanket and settled, chatting and devouring the sandwiches (Leon the Dumb was the only one of the picnic-crashers with the foresight to bring along their own basket of food). Freya was introduced and almost immediately fit in with the strange group. Leon complained about having to third wheel Gwaine and Percival, and Gwen told more mortifying tales of Merlin while Aithusa basked in the sun blissfully, obliterating a sandwich every now and then. 

Before they knew it, it was nearly dusk. Tomorrow was a totally packed day; He had to negotiate with the druids about providing some qualified experts to train the young sorcerers and healers, had to help Gaius with that antidote he had been trying to perfect, and that was just in the morning. The others had their own duties as well. They should probably get moving. 

If a year ago someone had told him he would be right on the banks of Avalon with all of them and enjoying it, he would have laughed. And yet here he was. Not entirely healed, not wholly at peace just yet, but content. Still missing those he’d loved and said farewell to right here, but smiling along with those who were still with him now. 

Life was……. good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was basically a wrap on the Canon-era story!! Though there is one more chapter, as you may have noticed ;);)  
> [Mild spoiler: it will be in a different POV ;)]
> 
> Also, I know Freya's role was like super-short here, but she will be in the last chapter as well as the next part of the series. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed :):):). Leave a Kudos or a comment if you like :D


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

Arthur wasn’t sure what woke him. He blinked as he took in green grass around him as far as the eye could see - which honestly wasn’t a lot, thanks to the thick, white fog in the air. There was no perceptible wind, or the damp chill one would expect with mist; It wasn’t warm either. It just.....was. There was an otherworldly feel to it which didn’t bother him as much as it should.

What  _ was _ this place? Trying to spy any threat that could emerge from the white haze, he tightened his grip on Excalibur on instinct - 

When had he drawn his sword? The last thing he remembered was......

....Dying. He was dead, surely. And Merlin had been with him, till the end. Maybe that was it, Merlin must have succeeded in saving him. But that didn’t explain why he was standing in the middle of god-knows-where with his sword, armour and weapon feeling impossibly light. That didn’t make  _ any _ sense. More importantly, Merlin wasn’t nearby and worry gnawed at him.

“Merlin!?” He called out, but his voice was dampened, as though absorbed by the fog. He was about to shout again when a dim figure became visible through the mist. He didn’t lower his sword, because the person approaching him decidedly wasn’t tall enough to be Merlin. As it came closer, he frowned. Dark hair freely flowing down her back, the brown, calm gaze that met his - definitely not Merlin.

“Halt! Who are you? And where am I?” He hated how unsteady he sounded.

The young girl, not intimidated in the least by his stance or weapon, actually smiled. It felt strangely welcoming and rueful at the same time. “Arthur Pendragon. You can relax, now. I do not intend to harm you. “

Lowering his sword but still keeping it ready at his side, he asked again, “What is this place?”

“Avalon. The Realm of Spirits.”

“Spirits. As in ......... the dead?” So Merlin hadn’t managed it after all. His stomach dropped as he recalled how heartbroken the man had looked in his last moments. “Am I dead?”

“Unfortunately, yes.” 

Arthur loosened his grip on the sword. What more could happen? He’d lost everything already, run out of time. It was too tiring to try to hold on, especially after Morgana..... Well. A true Knight knew when to accept defeat. This was it, he supposed. Not as....restful as expected, this afterlife. He watched the girl standing before him, unsure of what to do. “Who are you?” 

“A spirit, like you are. You may call me Freya.”

“Freya. What......what happens now? “

“I am the guide to all spirits destined for Avalon. Not everyone gets this chance. They call me the Lady of the Lake.” Arthur had always thought of it as a myth, but apparently not. She smiled, like she knew the questions forming all too fast in his head, and gestured to him to take a seat on a log that just...appeared out of nowhere? It was most definitely not there a moment ago.

They sat down. Freya stayed silent, waiting. After a moment, Arthur cleared his throat. “W-what happened? To Merlin?”

A sadness entered her eyes, and Arthur had the strange feeling that Merlin was a really personal topic. She replied, “He will manage. He’s a strong man, a brave one. Also the most powerful sorcerer that was, and will ever be. But  _ you _ are as important for this world as he is. You may not see it now, but it is your reign that begins the Golden Age. There is more to come in your life. When the time is right, Avalon will resurrect you. “

He  _ couldn’t _ be hearing that right. “Excuse me?”

“I know it sounds incredulous, but it's true. Could be in days, months, years, centuries. I have no way to say. But he will always be there for you, when you do go back.”

Arthur sat up straight. “Merlin.”

“Yes. His magic makes him immortal. It is not a choice for him.” 

Arthur’s stomach twisted. Immortality sounded more like a curse than a blessing. Waiting for someone for centuries? How could anyone stay sane? Freya, once again, seemed to understand how he felt when she said,

“Merlin has suffered, Arthur. More than you or I can ever comprehend. He’s lost himself many, many times on his journey. But now he's learning from his mistakes. He’s growing, despite all he’s been through. “

Arthur knew she was trying to reassure him, but his chest felt tighter with worry. Also, the feeling that she  _ knew _ Merlin just grew with every word. It couldn’t hurt to ask, could it? They were both dead anyway. 

“You know him well, don’t you.”

Freya smiled once more. “Yes.”

Arthur swallowed hard. There was a sudden yearning to learn who Merlin really was. He was a whole different person than what Arthur had thought, so much about Merlin that he’d never known. So he said, “Tell me. Everything.”

She sighed, and fixed him with a firm look. “I’m sorry, but that’s his story. I cannot take his right to tell you himself.” 

“When I get resurrected?” Arthur asked drily, and received a soft laugh in return. “You stay a spirit long enough, you get used to such stuff.”, she said, and Arthur almost laughed. Almost. If this was his afterlife till resurrection or whatever, there really wasn’t much to do. Shifting a little to face her, he asked, “If you can’t tell me Merlin’s story, then tell me yours.” 

A strange light entered her eyes. “I doubt if you really want to know.”

“Try me.”

Freya sighed, and watched him assessingly for a long moment. For the first time she looked away, towards the ground, and started speaking. 

“It was years ago. I was brought to Camelot by a hunter, caught because of my magic. I couldn't fight him. He dragged me to your kingdom, chained in a cage.” Arthur felt a familiar sense of guilt welling up. Maybe she was right about him not wanting to hear this. But....well, it felt like he really should. 

“He’d decided to wait the night out in the lower town, and exchange me for the reward the next morning. That’s when Merlin found me.” A soft smile lit up her features. “He got me out, and hid me. He cared for me more than anyone ever had, though he barely knew me. He’s the kindest soul I've known. He failed to see my truth, and though I tried to tell him, I couldn't bear to.”

“I was cursed in my childhood. Every night, I turned into a beast, a Bastet. I had no control over my actions. Innocents died, and couldn’t help it. I hated myself. Selfishly, I stayed in Camelot for the two days, for fear of losing Merlin. Losing the semblance of safety I finally had. And I killed again. I was going to flee on the third night, to a place where I would never hurt anyone else again. But Merlin.....he wanted to leave with me, and I couldn’t bear to refuse him outright. He planned everything, and came for me that night. But I was already gone. My idea was to get out before the beast took over, but it was too late.”

Arthur sat up straight, as something clicked into place. “We found you. You escaped.”

“Merlin figured it out. He stopped you from harming me further. However, the wound you dealt me was fatal, and he tracked me down a while later. I was weak enough that I'd turned back into myself. He got me here, to Avalon. I couldn’t be saved, but the Lake’s magic along with my own bound me to it, and I became the Lady of the Lake.”

She was looking at him, but there was no hatred in those eyes, no festering resentment. “I.....I’m sorry.” He whispered. It felt woefully inadequate, but he couldn’t think of anything else. He’d killed a helpless innocent. He’d killed someone Merlin cared about, loved.

Freya smiled. “I know you did it to save your own people.”

Arthur shook his head. “It was my responsibility to help you as much as the people. We could’ve reversed the curse, or found some way to control it, or.........”  He trailed off. 

Freya looked at him, a glint in her eye. “Well, you grew to understand that. Your rule was vastly different from your father’s.” Arthur stayed quiet. He may have been better than Uther, but there was still prejudice and injustice. There was still suffering and pain for thousands of innocents.

“Times are changing for the better, faster than you would expect.” Freya told him gently. “It would not have happened without you.” 

Arthur sighed. He wasn’t very sure of that. Fixating on the worst of Magic and discounting it’s good was all he had done, was it not? Honestly, if he hadn’t died, maybe change would never happen. Ah, but Merlin changed the equation entirely. What all had he never known? 

Could spirits get headaches? 

Also, the fact that he was dead was catching up to Arthur. It was upsetting despite resurrection or whatnot. It wasn’t life he was slowly starting to yearn for, but  _ his _ life. Camelot. Merlin. His knights, his friends. And most of all Guinevere. Would she still be there to keep his stupidity in check with her wise words and that lovely smile? Would the kingdom be the same? Would Merlin get the chance to live freely, without the constant fear of discovery? There was no telling when he’d return. Merlin would be there, apparently. But......people changed. Would anything be the same? 

He knew the answer, and it made his heart ache with grief. “What now?” He asked, voice as hollow as he felt. “What do I do while I wait?”

Freya opened her mouth to reply, but paused, as though unsure of what to say. “It is....different, usually. But you are an exception.” 

“And...?”

She got to her feet, smile gone and an expression serious. “You shall awake once again, when this world needs you the most. When it is time to resume your story. Till then, rest in peace, Arthur Pendragon.” 

That was entirely unhelpful. Arthur tried to speak, but his tongue felt too heavy. A bone-deep weariness washed over, and he felt his eyes drooping shut. Rest.....rest was nice. He was very tired, and barely noticed as he slipped into the deepest slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End!!   
> Or is it?  
> Of course I'm not ending with that, I'm not the writers of BBC Merlin. Uploading of Part 2 will begin tomorrow, and it's way longer and way more action-packed than this. It's a Modern era fic! Thank you for sticking to this fic so far, and hoping you will continue to do so for Part 2 :D:D
> 
> Leave a Kudos or a Comment if you like :)


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